Well, I am pretty low right now. My cardiologist just came in and said rather than just a racing heart I was again in atrial fib last night and a little this morning. As of this writing I am back in sinus rhythm, but she doesn't think the meds I am on are working, so is going to try something new starting tomorrow. I have to be here at least 48 hours once she starts them, so who knows when I will get out of here. She said she isn't even sure if this med change is going to do the trick, that she may have to try other things. She said she feels this is still due to the lung procedure, so hopefully she will be able to stabilize my heart so no damage occurs during this healing time. She complimented me on having such a good attitude, but I must be honest, I am blue.
I know that the human body can go through many trials and bounce back. I have witnessed this through my mom for many years. Her good attitude has been an example for me to live up to throughout this ordeal.
Last night, as I lay in bed, not falling asleep in spite of a sleeping pill, I felt a little panicky - 'how much longer will I be here?' 'when can I go back to work?' and so on. I finally visualized myself laying down in a pair of huge hands - God's hands. I made a mantra of 'give it to God, give it to God' and finally drifted off to sleep. Awake, I again struggle with wanting control, which of course is just down right silly. I am in God's hands, and I know he wants nothing but good for me. I appreciate prayers for healing, trust and patience.
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13 comments:
Sounds like you could use some cheering up. I suppose you could look forward to Matt and I coming to visit this weekend! Hopefully you will be able leave the hospital by then but if not we will busy bees cleaning up the house and cooking you all the lasagna and brownies you can handle... :) Let me know if you have any special requests!
See you soon,
Courtney
Dear Friend,
I am so proud of you and marvel at your attitude. Of course it is normal to feel low at times but overall you have really done great. "Give it up to God" is how we all should live. We continue to learn from you. When the time is right, they will release you. Just know your many friends are with you and praying daily.
hugs, di
Well, that just stinks!
Last night when Max walked in the door after work, I presented him with, "How in the world do people make it through life without knowing Jesus?" Ok ... there was no 'hello' or anything. It was just on my mind. Well, once he got his coat off and settled in beside me on the couch ... we had a really long discussion about the incredible emptiness that people must feel when they face trauma and stress and don't have anyone they can count on beyond the fallible humans in their lives.
The visualization exercise is fabulous! God DOES want us to know him that way. He's given us so many images in scripture so that we can use our mind's eye.
Love you!
Diane Muir
Hi,Jacque. If you get really frustrated, you could listen to the Sound of Music and keep singing Climb Every Mountain or Favorite Things. Eventually you'll drive yourself so crazy you just might fall asleep! The kids at my volunteer place sometimes ask for songs at bedtime and those are about the only songs I know the words to. That and the kids bible songs like Yes, Jesus Loves You. Good thing I don't have to do this very often. I may do another note but I am not sure this is going to work. I keep screwing this up.
Okay, I'm back and it worked this time. I got a DSL line last weekend and tried to set it up myself as everyone told me how easy it was. I knew better than to listen to them. Two of my phones are messed up and I still don't have the DSL up and running. I haven't totally given up yet. I won't know what to do when I don't have dial-up. The long delays are when I get to play FreeCell to which I have become addicted.
Feel better soon. I hope you are released from captivity shortly but it's a good place to be while they fix you up. Thanks for keeping us posted. Your in my thoughts and prayers.
Sharon
Hi Jacque:
we will be up to see you this weekend if you are still in the hospital. We will bring goodiesto munch on. Sorry things are not going the way we would like them to go. You are right-we are in the hands of the Lord an that is a great mantra. Al and I have a Wednesday night pray group that meets weekly and we lift you up to the Lord constantly. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Your faith and love for the Lord is great and you are an inspiration to all of us. Know that you and your family are in our prayers always and we love you and so does Jesus!! See you soon. Love and Prayers Al and Joanie
Hi, Jacque! I just heard last week about everything you are going through! I've been praying for you and asking others to as well. I'm happy that you are able to keep a positive attitude. Even when you're bummed, you still try to be upbeat. When I have troubles sleeping, I try some deep breathing exercises as well. That mantra is also one that I use myself. When I slowly breath out, I say "Let Go" and when I breath in, I say "Let God" I'm actually home with the flu. If you need someone to talk to tomorrow, give me a call. I'll be checking e-mail throughout the day. I will continue to pray for you. May God bless you and keep you close to his heart!
Angie Ralph
Jacque,
I enjoyed our lunch and visit so much! I came thinking I'd cheer you up, and instead with your smile and positive attitude you made my day. I know the waiting is hard, but I'm glad the Drs. are being extra careful and making sure everything is working well before they send you home. I know how many times I've had to tell myself, "This too shall pass." I keep you in my prayers each day.
Love, Donna
Jacque,
While I'm so bummed for you, I'm also so amazed at the way you're handling these setbacks. You truly are such an example for all of us! You somehow manage to dig deep and maintain your positive attitude when faced with one obstacle after another. I just wish we would get some good news...and soon!
I'm hoping these new meds will do the trick, and you'll be able to come home. Thinking of you daily...
Hugs,
Courtney
Pastor Doug dropped in at choir just after I had filled them in on everything. Gene told him we could use prayer for you, and I wish you could have heard and felt what he prayed. He not only prayed for you, but also for us as a group to lift you up. I of course was in tears then and also now. A lot of times when I am low and walk into choir, I feel almost physically lifted by them. I just know it makes a difference. Rest well tonight;I think I will try out your mantra and visualization As you know I don't ordinarily get much sleep on chemo night. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Oh, one more thing, Hillarey wants to know if she and a friend (who also works with people with disabilities) could come home and come to Special Friends Prom.
I had to send the last one on Hillarey's account because mine didn't work again. She has set me up with a new one. We'll see if it works now.
Hi, Mom. I guess you heard about my thing on facebook :-) I just wanted to let you see all of the feedback that I've gotten. Some of these people you'll probably recognize, and some you may not. Here they are:
Joy Augustine wrote:
Let her know that she's in my prayers, and also on a prayer list here at Dana, and at my church.
If you need anything, please let me know.
Love you
Kendra Way wrote:
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I miss you and I am thinking about you.
Much Love!
Laura Hager wrote:
Believe it or not, my mom asked about her the other day...we will keep her and your family in our prayers...
Audrey Rupnow wrote:
Of course she is in my thoughts. You are too and if it gets too hard and you wanna vent about it I'm here. If your Mom was strong enough to beat it once than I have no doubt that she can do it again. I'll ask my Mom to look out for her. After everything you've done for me the least I can do is pray for her.
Bailey Carlson wrote:
Im thinking about you guys. I wish the best for you. Keep us posted, we're all here for you! much love!
Nick Stone wrote:
Hey Greg, your mother is in my whole family's prayers. She is an awesome woman and I wish her the best. You guys hang in there, and if you need anything, you know how to get ahold of me.
Samantha Hanson wrote:
We don't really know each other, but I will definitely keep her in my prayers.
Adam Miller wrote:
Greg I am sorry to hear about this. Its has to be tough to deal with this a second time around. She beat it the first time and she will beat it the 2nd. She is in my prayers. Need anything please call.
Priya Garg wrote:
i'm so sorry greg. i will definitely keep her in my thoughts. i love you and please call if you need to talk.
Erin Bollinger wrote:
Greg, I am so sorry to hear this. She is in my thoughts and prayers. Just let me know if you need anything.
Clint Pettit wrote:
Your mother is amazing, and you are a strong, fun family. You guys will get through this, and if you ever want to talk about it, or need a hug, i'm there for you, bro.
Sara Jezierski wrote
I am so sorry Greg. If you or your family needs anything, dont be afraid to ask. We will be thinking about her and your family.
Katie Goodwin wrote:
I'll be prayin for her Greg.
Florence Choi wrote:
I will definitely be praying for her and keeping her in my thoughts.
<3
Florence
Michael Augustine wrote:
I will be praying for you and your mom Greg. You will make it through this.
Becky Rasmussen wrote:
There are never enough prayer, and so your family is in mine as well.
Jenna Gray wrote:
I will be praying foryour mom, you, and your family! If you need any thing please give me a call. I love ya honey!
Sarah Groth wrote:
I will be praying for you and your family.
Elsie Eckman wrote:
I'll be praying for your family as well.
:]
David Groth wrote:
Greg,
Both you, your family, and your mother are strong people, you've beat this one, you can do it again. I will always be here to help if you need ANYTHING, please let me know. You will be in my prayers.
Kaitlin O'Connor wrote:
Greg,
This was a really good idea. I wouldn't have found out about the blog but good ol' Diane remembered to keep me in the loop (for once). I'm impressed with your Mom's technological skills because I'm pretty sure I don't even know how to set up a blog. You know the O's are cheering for her and keeping her in our thoughts and prayers. Hope everything else is going okay for ya. Gotta love school!!! Have a good rest of the week.
--Kaitlin
Jordan Aschwege wrote:
Greg,
you are one of the most truly passionate people i know, and because of that, i know that nothing will go wrong. everything will turn out alright in the end. if it's not alright, it's not the end.
Jord
Kevin Kirsner wrote:
Greg, I am so sorry to hear that. I can't imagine what you are going through or what your mother is going through. Just know that you and your mother are in my prayers. Call me if you ever need someone to talk to or if you need anything. I know you and if you are anything like your parents, I'm sure that she can get through this, and I'm sure that you can get through this too. Hold on and remember God.
Best
Kevin
(Michelle McBride tried to post this on here but couldn't figure it out):
Jacque,
Greg wrote a note on Facebook (which you probably know we college kids are obsessed with) and I have been reading your blog. I am so sorry to hear you are back in the hospital. If I were not back up at school, I would visit you in a heartbeat. Maybe I could try and explain things to you with the little nursing knowledge I have under my belt! :) To cheer you up, I have a few of my favorite memories with you:
1. Your face as we returned from the 16 mile hike with Martha...about 17 hours late. I do believe I did see steam come out your ears and fire out your nose.
2. Watching you sing in chancel choir, because you have such joy when you sing.
3. ANNOUNCEMENT TIME with Jackay! You also did your best teacher voice to attempt to get us to listen...sorry it didn't work out so well.
And to close, I want you to know I am thinking of you and I think more people should be obesessive compulsive when it comes to hand-washing because it is the first line of defense. Stay strong!
Michelle
So, I just wanted to let you know that there are alot of people out there rooting for you. Also, if you're still in there on friday (which sounds likely right now) I can come visit around 9:30 or 10:00. If you'd like, I could also bring along my Play Station 2, and we could watch a movie. What sounds good to you? I'll let you pick ANYTHING. Don't pass this offer up ;-) Well, that's all I have for now. I hope you start feeling better soon.
Love,
Greg
Ok ... I'm trying again. Blogger won't let me add pictures to your comments. But, I CAN link you back to my blogger account. Soul Seekers were praying for you last night - and we got a pic.
Diane's Blog
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