Today is a lazy day. Mark and I went to his office, picked up a small dump truck, and went to The Rock Place on Hwy 6 to get two tons of rock for the garden around the deck. Mark is tired of raking up the mulch that floats down the yard towards the street every time we have a heavy rain. Two tons of rock sounds like a lot, but it really isn't that much - so I guess rock weighs a bunch!
I have been rather sleepy today, probably due to another bladder infection, which the PA this morning said was pretty raging. I am getting very tired of these, and hopefully, once I am fully weened from the prednisone, they will taper off. My onc said prednisone increases your chance of such infections. Who knew? I just have to take one prednisone pill every other day for 12 more days. Yea! My pulmonologist is tapering me slowly since I had such a bad reaction last month when I accidental went cold turkey.
I have added a link down below to a prayer list page. It is self explanatory. If you are interested, please visit.
We just had a pretty big thunderstorm. The rain was coming down so hard that I couldn't hear a phone conversation when standing under our skylights. The worst of it has passed for now and the sky is lightening up.
Tomorrow is Palm Sunday. I always enjoy seeing the kids with the palms processing in. Hosanna! Hosanna in the highest!
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Friday, March 30, 2007
Wating to Hear
I am waiting to hear about my blood test that I had this afternoon. The gal who drew my blood didn't know how long it would take to get the results. I assume it will be next week some time.
My next chemo was scheduled for next Thursday, but I had it changed to the day after Easter. This way I will be able to enjoy Easter AND I will feel bad during the week rather than on the weekend AND if I need to speak with my onc or his nurses during the worst part of the side effects I will be able to - as on the weekend you end up speaking with an associate who knows nothing about your case. I am so glad this worked out!
By the way, my blood counts were great yesterday - still within the normal range. Yea!
Last night we were the guests of Scott and Rene at The Champions golf course for dinner. We had a great time catching up with them, as well as Sally and John - who we hadn't seen in a very long time! Steve and Diane were there, too - and we had a wonderful prime rib buffet dinner. It was delightful!
I had lunch out today with my neighbor Carol. We went to a new place in Millard - a little place that was so different and very cute. It was a combination of a cafe, crafts, decorator items, gifts, and used bridal gowns (yes, used bridal gowns). There were only three items on the menu - which change daily - and there is a set price for your meal, drinks and tip. Very different - but tasty! Carol said that breakfast is even better. Since we are both anxious to start planting, but we know it is too early, we stopped and bought pansies for our porches. They are such a sweet little flower - and so brave to bloom in our ever changing spring weather.
Hope your weekend is relaxing!
My next chemo was scheduled for next Thursday, but I had it changed to the day after Easter. This way I will be able to enjoy Easter AND I will feel bad during the week rather than on the weekend AND if I need to speak with my onc or his nurses during the worst part of the side effects I will be able to - as on the weekend you end up speaking with an associate who knows nothing about your case. I am so glad this worked out!
By the way, my blood counts were great yesterday - still within the normal range. Yea!
Last night we were the guests of Scott and Rene at The Champions golf course for dinner. We had a great time catching up with them, as well as Sally and John - who we hadn't seen in a very long time! Steve and Diane were there, too - and we had a wonderful prime rib buffet dinner. It was delightful!
I had lunch out today with my neighbor Carol. We went to a new place in Millard - a little place that was so different and very cute. It was a combination of a cafe, crafts, decorator items, gifts, and used bridal gowns (yes, used bridal gowns). There were only three items on the menu - which change daily - and there is a set price for your meal, drinks and tip. Very different - but tasty! Carol said that breakfast is even better. Since we are both anxious to start planting, but we know it is too early, we stopped and bought pansies for our porches. They are such a sweet little flower - and so brave to bloom in our ever changing spring weather.
Hope your weekend is relaxing!
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Almost All Clear
I heard from my cardiologist's nurse that my Ecco Cardiogram was normal. Praise God! My cardiologist wants me to go in tomorrow afternoon to have lab work drawn to check my enzymes. Now, as I recall, they check enzyme levels when they think you have had a heart attack, so I assume that is what the electro cardiogram showed and what Dr. Gangahar was looking for - but again - I am just assuming. Yesterday, the ecco tech said that electrocardiograms weren't always reliable, so I am praying that it was a faulty reading. I would appreciate continued prayers to this effect. Thanks to all who continue to be so faithful being my prayer warriors. You are wonderful.
The phone call from my doc came shortly after my friend, Lynne, left my house. She had been over for lunch. She had suggested we go out to lunch, but I had been out so much this week, I decided it would be nice to stay home. This way I could control the salt intake - so hard to do when eating out. Plus, tonight we are going out with our friends, the Bensons and the O'Connors, so knew I was going to get my share of sodium! Such silly things I have to think about now days. Don't ever take simple pleasures for granted!
The phone call from my doc came shortly after my friend, Lynne, left my house. She had been over for lunch. She had suggested we go out to lunch, but I had been out so much this week, I decided it would be nice to stay home. This way I could control the salt intake - so hard to do when eating out. Plus, tonight we are going out with our friends, the Bensons and the O'Connors, so knew I was going to get my share of sodium! Such silly things I have to think about now days. Don't ever take simple pleasures for granted!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Proud
I have had a busy day, so sorry this post is so late!
To start with, I want to let you know that my appointment with the cardiologist started out smoothly. She said my ecco cardiogram last week came back great. The fluid has not returned and my function had improved by 5 to 10 %. Both excellent news - thank you God. She ordered an electrocardiogram and left my room. The tech came in, did the test and left. In came the cardiologist. She said the electrocardiogram didn't look right and she wanted me to go back to the hospital immediately for another ecco cardiogram (I didn't have to stay - just had to go there for the test). She said - you aren't having any symptoms, but I want to make sure everything is OK - she never would say what she suspected. I am to call her tomorrow to get the results. I don't know what to expect, but it is time to storm the heavens again, please! I am staying calm knowing that God has me held close - but your prayers are certainly appreciated.
OK, now about all the fun I have had the last 24 hours. Diane called yesterday afternoon and invited Mark and I to go to with them to 'Jam for the Cure' - a fund raiser planned by her daughter, (my god daughter) Courtney. She asked a band to play at the Fox and Hound, and took $5.00 donations at the door. We were probably the oldest people there - but it was fun and the band was good too! (Courtney - I can't remember the name of the band - so you might put it in a comment so they can be recognized for their contribution of time and talent.) She raised close to $400 for cancer research. I am so proud of her!
Today, I went to lunch with my friend, Donna. It was a beautiful day, so we sat out on the patio of The Prestige and enjoyed our meal. Donna will be leaving in a month or so to help our PEO sister, Cindy, with her women's hospital she has helped establish in Africa. I am proud of both of them!
Then, this evening I got a call from Matt. He has his first acceptance letter to law school. St. Thomas, in Minneapolis, has accepted him and offered him a scholarship! This is not his first choice for school, but he is happy to have offers start coming in. I am very proud of him!
To start with, I want to let you know that my appointment with the cardiologist started out smoothly. She said my ecco cardiogram last week came back great. The fluid has not returned and my function had improved by 5 to 10 %. Both excellent news - thank you God. She ordered an electrocardiogram and left my room. The tech came in, did the test and left. In came the cardiologist. She said the electrocardiogram didn't look right and she wanted me to go back to the hospital immediately for another ecco cardiogram (I didn't have to stay - just had to go there for the test). She said - you aren't having any symptoms, but I want to make sure everything is OK - she never would say what she suspected. I am to call her tomorrow to get the results. I don't know what to expect, but it is time to storm the heavens again, please! I am staying calm knowing that God has me held close - but your prayers are certainly appreciated.
OK, now about all the fun I have had the last 24 hours. Diane called yesterday afternoon and invited Mark and I to go to with them to 'Jam for the Cure' - a fund raiser planned by her daughter, (my god daughter) Courtney. She asked a band to play at the Fox and Hound, and took $5.00 donations at the door. We were probably the oldest people there - but it was fun and the band was good too! (Courtney - I can't remember the name of the band - so you might put it in a comment so they can be recognized for their contribution of time and talent.) She raised close to $400 for cancer research. I am so proud of her!
Today, I went to lunch with my friend, Donna. It was a beautiful day, so we sat out on the patio of The Prestige and enjoyed our meal. Donna will be leaving in a month or so to help our PEO sister, Cindy, with her women's hospital she has helped establish in Africa. I am proud of both of them!
Then, this evening I got a call from Matt. He has his first acceptance letter to law school. St. Thomas, in Minneapolis, has accepted him and offered him a scholarship! This is not his first choice for school, but he is happy to have offers start coming in. I am very proud of him!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
A Hat at Mimi's
Today I had lunch with my friend Judy at MiMi's. We both had the chicken walnut salad on cinnamon bread. It was tasty! I got to see pictures of her darling grand baby. He is a charmer! As I will relate, Judy got the pleasure of looking at me in a scarf and a hat as we had lunch.
This morning my hair started to come out in clumps. Sigh. I washed it, thinking I could convince the remaining hair to stay attached with hair spray and gel - but it wanted NO part of this idea. I ran my brush through it - and immediately filled it up. I cleaned out the hair from the brush - ran it through again, and it was full again. I finally took a deep breath and grabbed the scissors, chopping it off as close as I could. I toyed with the idea of just leaving it that way for now, but , every time I ran my hand through my hair I would be showered with little tiny hairs - which would have probably driven me more crazy than the long ones that floated around me all morning. So, I got out the hair clippers and buzzed it down as close as I could go. I tried on my wig, but it was just too confining on this first day as a baldy. Instead I grabbed a scarf to add a little color and a hat that matched my outfit. When I got home from lunch I put on the hat Carolyn knit for me - which is much more comfy and warm.
Mark was home for lunch before I left to pick up Judy, so he got to see me in my hat. He gave me a hug and said 'Not quite as traumatic as the first time around'. He is right. Been here done that!
This morning my hair started to come out in clumps. Sigh. I washed it, thinking I could convince the remaining hair to stay attached with hair spray and gel - but it wanted NO part of this idea. I ran my brush through it - and immediately filled it up. I cleaned out the hair from the brush - ran it through again, and it was full again. I finally took a deep breath and grabbed the scissors, chopping it off as close as I could. I toyed with the idea of just leaving it that way for now, but , every time I ran my hand through my hair I would be showered with little tiny hairs - which would have probably driven me more crazy than the long ones that floated around me all morning. So, I got out the hair clippers and buzzed it down as close as I could go. I tried on my wig, but it was just too confining on this first day as a baldy. Instead I grabbed a scarf to add a little color and a hat that matched my outfit. When I got home from lunch I put on the hat Carolyn knit for me - which is much more comfy and warm.
Mark was home for lunch before I left to pick up Judy, so he got to see me in my hat. He gave me a hug and said 'Not quite as traumatic as the first time around'. He is right. Been here done that!
Monday, March 26, 2007
Another Lazy Day
I have laid rather low today. No reason, other than I am trying to save up energy for the rest of the week. A trip to the grocery store and Sally's Beauty Supply (to purchase special shampoo and treatment for what will be my soon bald head) were the only places I went today. Otherwise I puttered around the house a bit and sat. Rather boring, but boring is sometimes nice.
My hair is coming out in large quantities and my scalp is starting to hurt. These are all signs that I will soon be able to put away all my hair products and tools. I will actually have a clean counter in my bathroom! My sweet hair dresser, Sue, called me today to see if she could stop by my house and give me a haircut. She is booked tomorrow, so if enough hair hangs in there, I will be going to her shop on Wednesday morning to get sheared.
Still no word from my cardiologist on my ecco-cardiogram. I am assuming no news is good news. I hope I am assuming correctly! I have an appointment with her Tuesday afternoon, so may have to wait until then to get the results. Continued prayers are appreciated.
Enjoy the beautiful spring weather!
My hair is coming out in large quantities and my scalp is starting to hurt. These are all signs that I will soon be able to put away all my hair products and tools. I will actually have a clean counter in my bathroom! My sweet hair dresser, Sue, called me today to see if she could stop by my house and give me a haircut. She is booked tomorrow, so if enough hair hangs in there, I will be going to her shop on Wednesday morning to get sheared.
Still no word from my cardiologist on my ecco-cardiogram. I am assuming no news is good news. I hope I am assuming correctly! I have an appointment with her Tuesday afternoon, so may have to wait until then to get the results. Continued prayers are appreciated.
Enjoy the beautiful spring weather!
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Lunch and a Meme
Today is awesome! The sun is shining - it is around 80 degrees and breezy. Just spent a little time on the deck with my mother-in-law getting a little sun and enjoying the weather.
Carol, Mark and I met Greg and the O'Connors at Granite City for lunch. It was great seeing everyone...Kaitlin is home from her spring break trip to Florida - before she has to head back to K State tomorrow morning. Courtney is nursing a sore knee that she twisted while training for a half marathon she is participating in to raise money for leukemia (she has raised $2,500!!!) - and irritated it chasing a hat through the parking lot she had brought for me to add to my 'collection' when it escaped in a wind gust. Greg - looking very castawayish with a full beard (grown on his cruise last week) and long curly hair, filled his dad in on his cruise as Mark wasn't home when Greg told me about it. The 'adults' (can I call us that now that all our kids are adults, too? Very confusing.) visited and caught up. Carol was our maid of honor in our wedding and Steve was our best man, so we all go way back.
My hair continues to hang in there although there is plenty of hair on my shirt and counter when I get done styling it. I know it will go soon, but whats the hurry?
I have been tagged again with a meme - Name 7 favorite songs. This is hard for me, which would probably surprise most people, since I love to sing solos and participate in choirs. However, I am a talk radio person, so don't spend a lot of my spare time listening to music - other than when with friends or as background when entertaining. However, I can name some - and they aren't going to be on the top 10 (or 7) of anyone's list but mine.
1. 'I Can Only Imagine' by Mercy Me - I LOVE this song - it makes me cry every time I hear it. I would love to sing it as a solo sometime - but I am not sure I would be able to do it without tears. I can't find a link for you to hear this, but, if you haven't heard it - here is the chorus...
"Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel? Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still? Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine! I can only imagine!"
2. I absolutely adore Chad Stoner. Chad is a local artist who plays a wicked tenor sax and has played with many national artists all around the country and is featured on their CD's. He could be a national act himself, but instead chooses to stay near his adorable family and minister to his 'flock'. His song, 'A House Is Not A Home' is one of my top favorites - and also makes me cry. You can hear it at http://www.jimmertz.com/listen.htm By the way - Jim Mertz, this link, is also a wonderful local artist - and his music is awesome, too.
3. Kirk Whalum - 'Do You Feel Me?' I couldn't find this particular song, but you can go to his web page to read about this Godly fellow and hear his style. http://www.kirkwhalum.com/
4. 'Times Like These' is performed by the effortless vocals of Elaine Stoner, Chad's wife. Chad, of course, performs on this cut, too. Chad's link above takes you to this song.
5. If there are any Soul Seekers reading this that were in this choir when I was the director, you will remember my next favorite song - 'Testify to Love' by Avalon. This is such an upbeat happy song - it makes me smile to hear it. I couldn't find an Avalon version, but here is Wynonna Judd's version: http://www.wyoblue.com/Testify_To_Love.html
6. Anything Sarah Mclachlan - she is wonderfully talented.
7. Norah Jones' 'Come Away With Me' I find it a haunting melody. Go to http://www.norahjones.com/, click on media, then the graphic of a record player. Scroll down the play list to find the song.
Diane M - YOU are tagged again! Name your 7 favorite songs - this will be hard for you!
Carol, Mark and I met Greg and the O'Connors at Granite City for lunch. It was great seeing everyone...Kaitlin is home from her spring break trip to Florida - before she has to head back to K State tomorrow morning. Courtney is nursing a sore knee that she twisted while training for a half marathon she is participating in to raise money for leukemia (she has raised $2,500!!!) - and irritated it chasing a hat through the parking lot she had brought for me to add to my 'collection' when it escaped in a wind gust. Greg - looking very castawayish with a full beard (grown on his cruise last week) and long curly hair, filled his dad in on his cruise as Mark wasn't home when Greg told me about it. The 'adults' (can I call us that now that all our kids are adults, too? Very confusing.) visited and caught up. Carol was our maid of honor in our wedding and Steve was our best man, so we all go way back.
My hair continues to hang in there although there is plenty of hair on my shirt and counter when I get done styling it. I know it will go soon, but whats the hurry?
I have been tagged again with a meme - Name 7 favorite songs. This is hard for me, which would probably surprise most people, since I love to sing solos and participate in choirs. However, I am a talk radio person, so don't spend a lot of my spare time listening to music - other than when with friends or as background when entertaining. However, I can name some - and they aren't going to be on the top 10 (or 7) of anyone's list but mine.
1. 'I Can Only Imagine' by Mercy Me - I LOVE this song - it makes me cry every time I hear it. I would love to sing it as a solo sometime - but I am not sure I would be able to do it without tears. I can't find a link for you to hear this, but, if you haven't heard it - here is the chorus...
"Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel? Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still? Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine! I can only imagine!"
2. I absolutely adore Chad Stoner. Chad is a local artist who plays a wicked tenor sax and has played with many national artists all around the country and is featured on their CD's. He could be a national act himself, but instead chooses to stay near his adorable family and minister to his 'flock'. His song, 'A House Is Not A Home' is one of my top favorites - and also makes me cry. You can hear it at http://www.jimmertz.com/listen.htm By the way - Jim Mertz, this link, is also a wonderful local artist - and his music is awesome, too.
3. Kirk Whalum - 'Do You Feel Me?' I couldn't find this particular song, but you can go to his web page to read about this Godly fellow and hear his style. http://www.kirkwhalum.com/
4. 'Times Like These' is performed by the effortless vocals of Elaine Stoner, Chad's wife. Chad, of course, performs on this cut, too. Chad's link above takes you to this song.
5. If there are any Soul Seekers reading this that were in this choir when I was the director, you will remember my next favorite song - 'Testify to Love' by Avalon. This is such an upbeat happy song - it makes me smile to hear it. I couldn't find an Avalon version, but here is Wynonna Judd's version: http://www.wyoblue.com/Testify_To_Love.html
6. Anything Sarah Mclachlan - she is wonderfully talented.
7. Norah Jones' 'Come Away With Me' I find it a haunting melody. Go to http://www.norahjones.com/, click on media, then the graphic of a record player. Scroll down the play list to find the song.
Diane M - YOU are tagged again! Name your 7 favorite songs - this will be hard for you!
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Visitor
My friend, Carol, from Topeka arrived yesterday afternoon. We spent the afternoon catching up and then went with Mark to LaMesa for dinner. I jealously watched them enjoy the margaritas (OK, I had a few sips) which I absolutely love.
This morning, Carol and I went to my classroom and packed up part of my items. My coworkers had left notes on on my office door - which was so kind. Carol was a huge help, as I was feeling rather tired this morning. I will need to go back to go through my desk and files and pick up a few more things sometime in the future.
It felt weird to be there, packing up my things, but not nearly as traumatic as if I had gone a week or two ago. As I have healed I have gotten a better perspective on my teaching career. I can still make myself teary thinking about it, but I know that God has a plan for my life, and I just need to be patient and fight the beast so I can see what He has in store for me.
We stopped at Nobbies in the hopes that Carol could find some fun scrapbooking items - but they didn't have anything! But, the Easter Bunny was there, so we had our picture taken with him.
My hair is still on my head, glued down with hair spray. :-) Hopefully I can eek it out one more day. I have my wig, so I guess I am ready - if you can ever be ready to be bald!
This morning, Carol and I went to my classroom and packed up part of my items. My coworkers had left notes on on my office door - which was so kind. Carol was a huge help, as I was feeling rather tired this morning. I will need to go back to go through my desk and files and pick up a few more things sometime in the future.
It felt weird to be there, packing up my things, but not nearly as traumatic as if I had gone a week or two ago. As I have healed I have gotten a better perspective on my teaching career. I can still make myself teary thinking about it, but I know that God has a plan for my life, and I just need to be patient and fight the beast so I can see what He has in store for me.
We stopped at Nobbies in the hopes that Carol could find some fun scrapbooking items - but they didn't have anything! But, the Easter Bunny was there, so we had our picture taken with him.
My hair is still on my head, glued down with hair spray. :-) Hopefully I can eek it out one more day. I have my wig, so I guess I am ready - if you can ever be ready to be bald!
Friday, March 23, 2007
Happy Dance!
I am so excited! I went to my pulmonologist's this morning and my lung has healed - a lot! Before, my right lung had a dark area of fluid in the middle of my pleura with a milky film of fluid above it in most of the upper lung. Today, all that was visible was the dark area of fluid. The milky area was clear! Dr. Thommi was very happy and thinks the middle area will clear over time. Thank you, God. Thank you prayer warriors!
I tugged on my hair this morning and it seemed to still be attached. I proceeded to shower and wash my hair. I started drying my hair and long hairs started swirling around me. By the time my hair was styled I looked like I had been grooming a St. Bernard. :-) Looks like tonight will be the night to buzz my hair. Maybe I can get my friend, Carol, to help. I am SURE Mark won't mind. I am so thankful that my hair lasted through my lunch with my students. Thank you, God, for that one, too!
My Ecco Cardiogram is at 1:00. I doubt I will hear anything about it today, but if I do I will let you know the results.
I tugged on my hair this morning and it seemed to still be attached. I proceeded to shower and wash my hair. I started drying my hair and long hairs started swirling around me. By the time my hair was styled I looked like I had been grooming a St. Bernard. :-) Looks like tonight will be the night to buzz my hair. Maybe I can get my friend, Carol, to help. I am SURE Mark won't mind. I am so thankful that my hair lasted through my lunch with my students. Thank you, God, for that one, too!
My Ecco Cardiogram is at 1:00. I doubt I will hear anything about it today, but if I do I will let you know the results.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Wheatfield's
To indentify my wonderful coworkers: Melanie, my coteacher, is in the back on far left, Natalie, Melanie's para, is next to her, Timaree, my outstanding sub, is back row third from right, Patty, my para, is in the chair on the right, and I am in the chair on the left - with my shaggy hair :-).What a great day! I had my blood count done today and it is within normal range - yea! The Neulasta shot is doing it's job. I then went to Wheatfield's Restaurant to have lunch/brunch with my students and classroom coworkers. It was absolutely wonderful to see each and every one of them. I was happy that my hair has hung in there for another day so the student's could see me looking like my 'normal' self. Wheatfields had given the students a great tour before I arrived, everyone did a super job in ordering, with their social skills, and paying for their meals (tip included); and then received a decorated Easter cookie from the restaurant as we left. Wheatfield's was so accommodating and kind. By the way - their cheesy tomato soup ties with Paradise Bakery's as a favorite!
I called Bravada's - where my wig had been back ordered until today - and was told it would now be in on April 4th, and was this OK? I, of course, answered in a loud NO since my hair was suppose to be gone yesterday! The clerk said she would call and check on the wig's status and call me. I decided that, after a nap, I would go looking for a wig elsewhere. However, when I returned from lunch, a message from Bravada's said the company had gotten my wig in and were overnighting it to them, so I can pick it up tomorrow. Whew! So nice to not have to go running around looking for another one!
After my nap (a nice sound one) I was off to an eye doctor's appointment. I cannot believe how much glasses cost. It is criminal! Yikes!
I had a very busy day today - and a busy one tomorrow, too. Tomorrow, my pulmonologist's appointment is at 9:30 and then I go to Methodist for an ecco cardiogram at 1:00. Maybe I will see my friend, Bonnie, as she works in the area where my test will be. When I get home from my tests my friend, Carol, from Topeka, Kansas, will arrive for a weekend visit. It will be fun catching up with her.
Take care.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Rainy But Warm
It looks like it should be cold out. It is rather gloomy, with a fine mist falling now and then. I went to the grocery store, and was amazed at how balmy it was. I had to take my light jacket off, as it was too warm!
I am feeling better each day. I had another early wake up (2:30) so cruised the Internet for a bit and then slept awhile in my chair. I got up at 5:30 and cleaned out the pantry cupboard - it felt good to accomplish something!
At the grocery store I searched for low salt/no salt products. There were quite a few, so I will try them as time goes by. One that I am a little leery of is the no salt ketchup. I don't know.....
I don't want to jinx myself, but I haven't had an atrial fib episode since the pericardial window was put in my heart sac. I am hoping that procedure, and my low salt diet, did the trick and I am able to stay off the rhythm medicine I was on. That medicine does not react well with the chemo I am on - plus increases my shortness of breath. I accidentally forgot to take it starting last week (I know, this is a bad pattern - it got hidden behind a basket and I missed it!) - and I am non the worse for the wear, so keep your fingers crossed! I haven't had the nod from my cardiologist that this is OK, so we will see what she says. I asked her nurse on Monday if I could continue to be off of it, and they haven't called, so I am pretending it is just fine. Maybe even add this hope to the prayer list! :-)
Tomorrow I have to go have my blood test to check my counts. If they are OK, and I feel well, I plan on meeting my class at Wheatfield's Restaurant for brunch. They are going there for a Career Exploration, and then to eat, as it is a testing day for the rest of the school. I haven't seen my students since announcing my 'retirement' so it will be great to actually have a chance to visit with them.
My hair is hanging in there. I expected it to be gone today, but it would be nice if it hung in one more day so my students could see me as they remember. Of course - it is shaggy and in great need of coloring - but it is still my own! My wig was back ordered and expected to be in tomorrow. If it get's back ordered again I will have to see if I can find one someplace else! It's not that I wear it all that much. As I said, I am more of a hat person, but it is nice to have for going out, etc.
Have a great rest of the day!
I am feeling better each day. I had another early wake up (2:30) so cruised the Internet for a bit and then slept awhile in my chair. I got up at 5:30 and cleaned out the pantry cupboard - it felt good to accomplish something!
At the grocery store I searched for low salt/no salt products. There were quite a few, so I will try them as time goes by. One that I am a little leery of is the no salt ketchup. I don't know.....
I don't want to jinx myself, but I haven't had an atrial fib episode since the pericardial window was put in my heart sac. I am hoping that procedure, and my low salt diet, did the trick and I am able to stay off the rhythm medicine I was on. That medicine does not react well with the chemo I am on - plus increases my shortness of breath. I accidentally forgot to take it starting last week (I know, this is a bad pattern - it got hidden behind a basket and I missed it!) - and I am non the worse for the wear, so keep your fingers crossed! I haven't had the nod from my cardiologist that this is OK, so we will see what she says. I asked her nurse on Monday if I could continue to be off of it, and they haven't called, so I am pretending it is just fine. Maybe even add this hope to the prayer list! :-)
Tomorrow I have to go have my blood test to check my counts. If they are OK, and I feel well, I plan on meeting my class at Wheatfield's Restaurant for brunch. They are going there for a Career Exploration, and then to eat, as it is a testing day for the rest of the school. I haven't seen my students since announcing my 'retirement' so it will be great to actually have a chance to visit with them.
My hair is hanging in there. I expected it to be gone today, but it would be nice if it hung in one more day so my students could see me as they remember. Of course - it is shaggy and in great need of coloring - but it is still my own! My wig was back ordered and expected to be in tomorrow. If it get's back ordered again I will have to see if I can find one someplace else! It's not that I wear it all that much. As I said, I am more of a hat person, but it is nice to have for going out, etc.
Have a great rest of the day!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
There Is A Light!
There is a light at the end of the tunnel! I woke up today with minimal leg pain and much of the weakness gone. Yea! I still have some numbness in my fingers, but it is very little and doesn't effect me. I still have aches and pains, but nothing I can't handle. I actually slept from 8:30 p.m. last night until 5:00 a.m. this morning (without any pain killers) and then napped in my chair this morning. I have spent the rest of the morning tidying the house in preparation of The Maids, who will be here early afternoon and doing some laundry.
I am torturing myself, as I put on a Krista roast this morning, and the smell is driving me insane. I had to change up the recipe to match my low salt diet, so hopefully it will still taste as good as it smells. I can't wait for supper! Mmmmm...
I didn't make it to Mary's last night for supper. After a trip in the afternoon for a blood test and a short shopping trip to Walgreen's I was beat and could tell I wouldn't make good company. I didn't even bother asking God for intervention. I realize that I am just going to have to remember that this first week after my chemo I am going to have to relax and just allow myself to rest. No plans, no going out - just rest. Help me remember this, OK?
For all my prayer warriors out there, I have some specific requests for this week. 1.) That my blood counts are good on Thursday - so I won't have to worry about infections. 2.) That I get a good report from Dr. Thommi, my pulmonologist, on Friday (2 week check after getting out of the hospital) and that my lungs are healing and the fluid is subsiding. 3.) That my ecco cardiogram Friday afternoon shows that the fluid remains off my heart and that my blood flow has increased - hopefully showing no heart attack. 4.) That the chemo is killing off the beast, but not permanently damaging the rest of my body.
Thank you everyone!
I am torturing myself, as I put on a Krista roast this morning, and the smell is driving me insane. I had to change up the recipe to match my low salt diet, so hopefully it will still taste as good as it smells. I can't wait for supper! Mmmmm...
I didn't make it to Mary's last night for supper. After a trip in the afternoon for a blood test and a short shopping trip to Walgreen's I was beat and could tell I wouldn't make good company. I didn't even bother asking God for intervention. I realize that I am just going to have to remember that this first week after my chemo I am going to have to relax and just allow myself to rest. No plans, no going out - just rest. Help me remember this, OK?
For all my prayer warriors out there, I have some specific requests for this week. 1.) That my blood counts are good on Thursday - so I won't have to worry about infections. 2.) That I get a good report from Dr. Thommi, my pulmonologist, on Friday (2 week check after getting out of the hospital) and that my lungs are healing and the fluid is subsiding. 3.) That my ecco cardiogram Friday afternoon shows that the fluid remains off my heart and that my blood flow has increased - hopefully showing no heart attack. 4.) That the chemo is killing off the beast, but not permanently damaging the rest of my body.
Thank you everyone!
Monday, March 19, 2007
Ouch
Yesterday brought a new chemo side effect - neuropathy in my hands, arms, legs and feet. Neuropathy is nerve pain with numbness and sensitivity. So far the hands and arms are tolerable, but my legs and feet are problematic. Mark ran and got a pain killer prescription for me at the pharmacy, which helped me to get a little sleep last night, but ouch - it hurts! It isn't as bad today, so I am hoping yesterday was the worse and it will soon just be a memory. I also have weakness in my legs (I keep calling it noodley legs), which I also hope will be a fleeting memory in a few days.
Saturday night, as I was saying my prayers, I asked God if I could please have a good nights sleep so I could go to church in the morning. My wish was granted, so the next morning, when my back was aching and my legs were starting to sting, I felt obligated to attend church since God had upheld his end of the bargain. I am glad I went, although it was hard to stay awake and concentrate, and by the end my back was complaining royally. It was great to hear the the High School youth choir, Soul Seekers, sing as well as the Jr. High choir. By next week my blood counts will probably be lower and I am to avoid crowds, so it will be at least another week before I can go again. I am also glad I went to church, as I was going to stop at WalMart after church to get a notebook in which to keep a prayer journal, only to find out the church had cleaned it's closets and were giving away prayer journals, cookbooks, etc.. God had provided a need for me when I really didn't feel like shopping - and if you know me, I love to shop - so I was feeling punky!
Tonight is my PEO officer's dinner at Mary's, our past presidents. I am hoping my leg pain dwindles and I can attend. Diane will swing by and pick me up if I am able to go. I plan on taking a big ol' nap this afternoon and say another little prayer. Seems God is being pretty attentive, so I have high hopes of being able to go. :-)
Saturday night, as I was saying my prayers, I asked God if I could please have a good nights sleep so I could go to church in the morning. My wish was granted, so the next morning, when my back was aching and my legs were starting to sting, I felt obligated to attend church since God had upheld his end of the bargain. I am glad I went, although it was hard to stay awake and concentrate, and by the end my back was complaining royally. It was great to hear the the High School youth choir, Soul Seekers, sing as well as the Jr. High choir. By next week my blood counts will probably be lower and I am to avoid crowds, so it will be at least another week before I can go again. I am also glad I went to church, as I was going to stop at WalMart after church to get a notebook in which to keep a prayer journal, only to find out the church had cleaned it's closets and were giving away prayer journals, cookbooks, etc.. God had provided a need for me when I really didn't feel like shopping - and if you know me, I love to shop - so I was feeling punky!
Tonight is my PEO officer's dinner at Mary's, our past presidents. I am hoping my leg pain dwindles and I can attend. Diane will swing by and pick me up if I am able to go. I plan on taking a big ol' nap this afternoon and say another little prayer. Seems God is being pretty attentive, so I have high hopes of being able to go. :-)
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Tribute
I had a nice evening last night. Diane picked me up and we met Bonnie at the Tasting Room for dinner - girls night out! I had a delicious pork loin with onion jam and bordelaise sauce, that didn't set well on my stomach later - but it wasn't too bad - just a little queasy. Lesson learned - go bland these first few days after treatment. I even had a fairly good nights sleep, going to bed a little after nine and not getting up until four - then dozing a bit in my chair. Nice.
Last year, my department head, Michelle, came to me and said my class was too big and the district had decided to split my caseload of students. They were going to hire a new teacher to share ‘MY’ kids. I was not a happy camper. I insisted that I could handle my caseload and worried about my parent’s reaction. Michelle stood firm.
She hired Melanie Dostal, a second year teacher, who had worked the previous year at the Millard Young Adult Program – a wonderful program where my students go once they have graduated from high school until they are 21. I had heard many good things about Melanie, but was still a little leery about how all of this was going to work. I didn’t need to worry.
Melanie is a breath of fresh air – and the most mature 29 year old I know. Previously, she worked five years for the state with adults with special needs as a service coordinator, so she has a wealth of knowledge concerning students with special needs. She has two little children, Brenna, three, and Mason – somewhere under a year. She completed her masters degree while working, pregnant and raising a child.
I couldn’t have selected a better co-teacher if I had hand selected her myself. We share so many of the same ideas and values, and complimented each other’s teaching styles. Melanie was a sponge – soaking up our program’s ins and outs during the first semester – and then being thrust into the leadership role when I was diagnosed with cancer. I had the most fun, I think, in my teaching career, teaching with Melanie last semester – and I usually have fun!
Throughout my life, God has shown his presence in such concrete ways. Four years ago, with my first breast cancer diagnosis, he gave me excellent classroom paras and supportive administration & staff to help me through my treatments. This time I again had the excellent paras and supportive administration & staff – but the true key has been Melanie. While it wasn’t easy for me to walk away from teaching – it was so much easier knowing that the program would be in such capable hands. Melanie – you were a gift from God and I am so grateful He brought you into my life. Please don’t ever forget that.
Last year, my department head, Michelle, came to me and said my class was too big and the district had decided to split my caseload of students. They were going to hire a new teacher to share ‘MY’ kids. I was not a happy camper. I insisted that I could handle my caseload and worried about my parent’s reaction. Michelle stood firm.
She hired Melanie Dostal, a second year teacher, who had worked the previous year at the Millard Young Adult Program – a wonderful program where my students go once they have graduated from high school until they are 21. I had heard many good things about Melanie, but was still a little leery about how all of this was going to work. I didn’t need to worry.
Melanie is a breath of fresh air – and the most mature 29 year old I know. Previously, she worked five years for the state with adults with special needs as a service coordinator, so she has a wealth of knowledge concerning students with special needs. She has two little children, Brenna, three, and Mason – somewhere under a year. She completed her masters degree while working, pregnant and raising a child.
I couldn’t have selected a better co-teacher if I had hand selected her myself. We share so many of the same ideas and values, and complimented each other’s teaching styles. Melanie was a sponge – soaking up our program’s ins and outs during the first semester – and then being thrust into the leadership role when I was diagnosed with cancer. I had the most fun, I think, in my teaching career, teaching with Melanie last semester – and I usually have fun!
Throughout my life, God has shown his presence in such concrete ways. Four years ago, with my first breast cancer diagnosis, he gave me excellent classroom paras and supportive administration & staff to help me through my treatments. This time I again had the excellent paras and supportive administration & staff – but the true key has been Melanie. While it wasn’t easy for me to walk away from teaching – it was so much easier knowing that the program would be in such capable hands. Melanie – you were a gift from God and I am so grateful He brought you into my life. Please don’t ever forget that.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Sleepy St. Pats
Day three and so far so good! I am tired - I awoke at 1:00 last night and had trouble getting back to sleep - but no nausea, which is wonderful! If I can make it through tomorrow tummy ache free I will be in the clear, I hope.
I have spent my day trying to nap, but my body won't let me. This morning I attempted to doze in my chair with a warm afghan - but sleep wouldn't come. This afternoon I tried our darkened bedroom, and while it felt nice to snuggle down under the covers, I mostly read and rested. Maybe this is a good thing and I will sleep better tonight.
I can't get too excited about feeling fairly decent since I only had one of my chemo drugs this time. But, according to the material on the missing drug - nausea isn't one of the side effects. I do know that there can be an accumulative effect with the drugs, too, so guess I can't get too cocky, yet!
Mark and buddy Steve are at the classic car show at the Qwest this afternoon visiting Steve's Chevelle, and then they plan to find someplace to have a green beer or two before heading home. Mark would LOVE to have a classic car, but right now we have no place to store it - nor the extra cash to restore it. Someday, he will get it, though.
Diane and I are going to head out to supper since I am feeling pretty good. We are going to try The Tasting Room. I have been wanting to try it, so we thought tonight would be a good time. I can't 'taste' any of their wines, but I hear the food is good.
Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone!
I have spent my day trying to nap, but my body won't let me. This morning I attempted to doze in my chair with a warm afghan - but sleep wouldn't come. This afternoon I tried our darkened bedroom, and while it felt nice to snuggle down under the covers, I mostly read and rested. Maybe this is a good thing and I will sleep better tonight.
I can't get too excited about feeling fairly decent since I only had one of my chemo drugs this time. But, according to the material on the missing drug - nausea isn't one of the side effects. I do know that there can be an accumulative effect with the drugs, too, so guess I can't get too cocky, yet!
Mark and buddy Steve are at the classic car show at the Qwest this afternoon visiting Steve's Chevelle, and then they plan to find someplace to have a green beer or two before heading home. Mark would LOVE to have a classic car, but right now we have no place to store it - nor the extra cash to restore it. Someday, he will get it, though.
Diane and I are going to head out to supper since I am feeling pretty good. We are going to try The Tasting Room. I have been wanting to try it, so we thought tonight would be a good time. I can't 'taste' any of their wines, but I hear the food is good.
Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone!
Friday, March 16, 2007
Overwhelmed
I feel pretty good today. I woke up at 2:00 a.m. with an earache in my right ear which quickly went down my neck to my port side and then radiated in waves around to my back. It intensified to the point I sat up and luckily the pain quickly subsided. I got up and perused the internet until I felt secure the pain wouldn’t return, then slept in my chair, sitting slightly upright. I have no idea what it was, and the oncology nurse was stumped, too. Hopefully my port was just complaining about being used and abused yesterday.
I have an anti-nausea medication that I was instructed to take this morning and tomorrow morning as a precaution. My stomach feels fine, so either the pill is working or the chemo isn’t bothering it, yet. Four years ago, the third day, in the afternoon, was when I got sick, so we will see how tomorrow goes. I am hoping for the best!
This morning, I drove myself to have my blood tested at the cardiologists and had my Neulasta shot at the oncologists. Neulasta is called a 'smart drug'. It lays in wait until your blood counts start to drop and then helps the body manufacture white blood cells. The only side effect of Neulasta is bone pain. Not pleasant, but doesn’t last that many days.
Michelle, my department head, and coworkers Melanie, Jody, Melissa, Jill, and Darcy brought sandwiches over to my house on their lunch break and we had lunch together. Today is a teacher work day at school, so they had extra time to spend with me. I felt very special, because we teachers don’t get to go out to lunch very often, so was happy they spent it with me. It was wonderful seeing them and catching up. They brought two beautifully framed pictures for me, one of our special education department staff and one of my students. Next they presented me with a huge card from the Millard South Staff and an envelope with money, collected from a jeans day our principal, Dr. Curtis Case, arranged in my honor. I was overwhelmed. I had done so well up until that time not crying! Is it any wonder I am so upset about having to leave my Millard South family, and feel so blessed to have been a part of it these past 11 years? Thank you, everyone. Again I am humbled.
I have an anti-nausea medication that I was instructed to take this morning and tomorrow morning as a precaution. My stomach feels fine, so either the pill is working or the chemo isn’t bothering it, yet. Four years ago, the third day, in the afternoon, was when I got sick, so we will see how tomorrow goes. I am hoping for the best!
This morning, I drove myself to have my blood tested at the cardiologists and had my Neulasta shot at the oncologists. Neulasta is called a 'smart drug'. It lays in wait until your blood counts start to drop and then helps the body manufacture white blood cells. The only side effect of Neulasta is bone pain. Not pleasant, but doesn’t last that many days.
Michelle, my department head, and coworkers Melanie, Jody, Melissa, Jill, and Darcy brought sandwiches over to my house on their lunch break and we had lunch together. Today is a teacher work day at school, so they had extra time to spend with me. I felt very special, because we teachers don’t get to go out to lunch very often, so was happy they spent it with me. It was wonderful seeing them and catching up. They brought two beautifully framed pictures for me, one of our special education department staff and one of my students. Next they presented me with a huge card from the Millard South Staff and an envelope with money, collected from a jeans day our principal, Dr. Curtis Case, arranged in my honor. I was overwhelmed. I had done so well up until that time not crying! Is it any wonder I am so upset about having to leave my Millard South family, and feel so blessed to have been a part of it these past 11 years? Thank you, everyone. Again I am humbled.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Round One Is Over!
I am sitting in an easy chair in front of a big screen TV watching ‘The View’ while my pre-chemo drugs run through my somewhat tender port. They give me Benedryl, a steroid, and an anti-nausea medicine before they start the rest of the drugs. Today I will get Aredia – the bone strengthener from my last three treatments, Abraxane – the chemo that will take my hair quickly and lower my blood counts even quicker. I will not receive the Avastin until next month, in order to give my body time to heal from all the surgeries. Avastin is the drug that keeps tumors from making its own blood supply – very cutting edge.
I have my treatments at the Methodist Estabrook Cancer Center. The treatment room is a very large room with large, bright windows on three sides. There is a circular desk towards the back. There are 32 large easy chairs situated around the room. Some areas have TVs, some none. The treatment area is new after a huge construction/remodel project just finished this last summer, so it is bright and attractive. I brought my slippers to keep my feet warm and they gave me blanket to snuggle under. The nurses here are very attentive and kind. I have packed a light lunch and I have water, juice and pop at my command.
I dozed a bit there – but I am done now and feeling just fine. My doctor says I can drive myself next time - which is nice.
Mark and I had and appointment this afternoon and now I am getting ready to go out to eat with our friends Steve and Diane (Mark is picking Steve up at the classic car show at Qwest Center, where Steve is dropping off his ’69 Chevelle for this weekend’s car show. I finagled diner out for Di and I).
Thanks for all of your prayers. So far so good.
I have my treatments at the Methodist Estabrook Cancer Center. The treatment room is a very large room with large, bright windows on three sides. There is a circular desk towards the back. There are 32 large easy chairs situated around the room. Some areas have TVs, some none. The treatment area is new after a huge construction/remodel project just finished this last summer, so it is bright and attractive. I brought my slippers to keep my feet warm and they gave me blanket to snuggle under. The nurses here are very attentive and kind. I have packed a light lunch and I have water, juice and pop at my command.
I dozed a bit there – but I am done now and feeling just fine. My doctor says I can drive myself next time - which is nice.
Mark and I had and appointment this afternoon and now I am getting ready to go out to eat with our friends Steve and Diane (Mark is picking Steve up at the classic car show at Qwest Center, where Steve is dropping off his ’69 Chevelle for this weekend’s car show. I finagled diner out for Di and I).
Thanks for all of your prayers. So far so good.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
List of Ways to Help
FYI - this is my second blog today.
My friend, Diane, has requested a list of ‘ways to help’ to pass on to my PEO sisters. I thought this might be a good thing to share with everyone. I should think that this would be appropriate for most people going through similar circumstances – so might be helpful.
Number one on my list is to continue those prayers. I am not being flippant with this request. I truly believe that your prayers have gotten me this far, in as good of shape that I am. Today, at the hospital, I was told over and over how good I looked for someone who had been through what I had in the last week. I also kept getting – YOU are 53? YOU have kids that old? You must have had them early! I lapped it up. I LOVE that hospital staff.
If you are curious how I am, health-wise, read my blog. I have to think about my health all the time, and would prefer to not talk about it all the time. If you have specific questions that my blog doesn’t answer, I am not opposed to talking about it a LITTLE bit – but I really don’t get any joy from discussing it for a long period of time. Or email me so I can answer your questions, and then we can just have a fun conversation when we talk. I love to forget all about it!
Don’t be too kind in person and spend a lot of time telling me I am going to be fine and I will make it –rah, rah. I have every intention of beating this, but those types of words, in person, just make me teary. However, I don’t mind comments to that effect on my blog, in emails, or notes. I love to hear you are praying for me, thinking of me, etc. Just don’t dwell too long. It rattles me. Also, don’t dwell on how my family is dealing with it. They are dealing to the best of their abilities, each in their own way. If you want me to cry, talk about my family.
Watch my blog for signs of life. I won’t know how I will react to my chemo until I have been through it. It sounds like I will be a bit out of it for a week afterwards. If my blog sounds chipper – I am up for visitors and calls. If I am feeling rotten I will say so – or if I don’t blog at all you will know it is not a good day. It sounds like I will have one bad week and two good weeks between treatments.
Please don’t feel the need to bring me gifts when you visit. You are gift enough. On the same note, I am perfectly capable of buying my own lunch or coffee. If we go out – it’s Dutch treat.
A list of people who would be willing to run errands or take me to doctor’s appointments would be lovely. It wouldn’t be often, since Mark’s mom lives with us, but back ups, like my neighbor, Carol, are always nice to have. I know my friend, Diane, would put this list together for me.
If you have a book you think I might enjoy, I would love to borrow it. I don’t want anything thought provoking, scary, mysterious, etc. I need something light and frivolous, please. I will return it when done, so please put your name in it. Also, on that note, many of you brought me books during my first hospital stay in December and January and I would love to return them, but I don’t remember who gave them to me! If you gave me a book, please let me know and I will see that you get it back. If you have magazines you are done with, I would enjoy a few of these. They are good to take to appointments.
My immune system is going to be extremely challenged. If you even suspect you might be coming down with something, please do not visit.
Chemo brain is just around the corner. If I am forgetful, just know that this is temporary and I will one day be restored to a reasonably intelligent person once the chemo is withdrawn. You won’t hurt my feelings if you have to remind me of something I forgot or repeat myself. I would rather know!
If I react as I did the last time, smelly things are not my friend (perfumes, lotion, etc.). On that note, wearing heavy perfume when you visit, or having a strong smoke odor could send me running :-).
Hopefully, I will not be an invalid (all the time, anyway). Let me do for myself when I can. It is the only way I will be able to keep my strength up. But, on the same note, don’t think me wimpy if I decline invitations or have to bow out at the last minute of planned activities. Believe me – I would rather be doing. Please don’t be put off and just not invite me again. I promise I will participate when I can – and enjoy every minute.
There will be times I will have to limit how many visitors I have in a day. I know you will be understanding - just try another day because I am a people person and will need my occasional fix.
This is all I can think of for now. I appreciate everyone and am so blessed to have so many caring people in my life.
My friend, Diane, has requested a list of ‘ways to help’ to pass on to my PEO sisters. I thought this might be a good thing to share with everyone. I should think that this would be appropriate for most people going through similar circumstances – so might be helpful.
Number one on my list is to continue those prayers. I am not being flippant with this request. I truly believe that your prayers have gotten me this far, in as good of shape that I am. Today, at the hospital, I was told over and over how good I looked for someone who had been through what I had in the last week. I also kept getting – YOU are 53? YOU have kids that old? You must have had them early! I lapped it up. I LOVE that hospital staff.
If you are curious how I am, health-wise, read my blog. I have to think about my health all the time, and would prefer to not talk about it all the time. If you have specific questions that my blog doesn’t answer, I am not opposed to talking about it a LITTLE bit – but I really don’t get any joy from discussing it for a long period of time. Or email me so I can answer your questions, and then we can just have a fun conversation when we talk. I love to forget all about it!
Don’t be too kind in person and spend a lot of time telling me I am going to be fine and I will make it –rah, rah. I have every intention of beating this, but those types of words, in person, just make me teary. However, I don’t mind comments to that effect on my blog, in emails, or notes. I love to hear you are praying for me, thinking of me, etc. Just don’t dwell too long. It rattles me. Also, don’t dwell on how my family is dealing with it. They are dealing to the best of their abilities, each in their own way. If you want me to cry, talk about my family.
Watch my blog for signs of life. I won’t know how I will react to my chemo until I have been through it. It sounds like I will be a bit out of it for a week afterwards. If my blog sounds chipper – I am up for visitors and calls. If I am feeling rotten I will say so – or if I don’t blog at all you will know it is not a good day. It sounds like I will have one bad week and two good weeks between treatments.
Please don’t feel the need to bring me gifts when you visit. You are gift enough. On the same note, I am perfectly capable of buying my own lunch or coffee. If we go out – it’s Dutch treat.
A list of people who would be willing to run errands or take me to doctor’s appointments would be lovely. It wouldn’t be often, since Mark’s mom lives with us, but back ups, like my neighbor, Carol, are always nice to have. I know my friend, Diane, would put this list together for me.
If you have a book you think I might enjoy, I would love to borrow it. I don’t want anything thought provoking, scary, mysterious, etc. I need something light and frivolous, please. I will return it when done, so please put your name in it. Also, on that note, many of you brought me books during my first hospital stay in December and January and I would love to return them, but I don’t remember who gave them to me! If you gave me a book, please let me know and I will see that you get it back. If you have magazines you are done with, I would enjoy a few of these. They are good to take to appointments.
My immune system is going to be extremely challenged. If you even suspect you might be coming down with something, please do not visit.
Chemo brain is just around the corner. If I am forgetful, just know that this is temporary and I will one day be restored to a reasonably intelligent person once the chemo is withdrawn. You won’t hurt my feelings if you have to remind me of something I forgot or repeat myself. I would rather know!
If I react as I did the last time, smelly things are not my friend (perfumes, lotion, etc.). On that note, wearing heavy perfume when you visit, or having a strong smoke odor could send me running :-).
Hopefully, I will not be an invalid (all the time, anyway). Let me do for myself when I can. It is the only way I will be able to keep my strength up. But, on the same note, don’t think me wimpy if I decline invitations or have to bow out at the last minute of planned activities. Believe me – I would rather be doing. Please don’t be put off and just not invite me again. I promise I will participate when I can – and enjoy every minute.
There will be times I will have to limit how many visitors I have in a day. I know you will be understanding - just try another day because I am a people person and will need my occasional fix.
This is all I can think of for now. I appreciate everyone and am so blessed to have so many caring people in my life.
Port
The port is in and I'm feeling pretty good. They had to put it on the opposite side of my chest than last time, so my right arm/arm pit feels stiff. I am sure right now the deadening agents are still keeping the soreness at bay, but I don't expect it to be anything unbearable - if it is like the last port I had put in.
On the way home from the hospital I had Carolyn stop and pick up a bowl of my favorite fire-roasted garlic roasted soup from Paradise Bakery. It was a splurge - I am sure the salt content is way up there - but I figured I deserved a little treat before starting chemo. I don't feel a bit guilty. Who knows when it will taste good again. With my last chemo even water tasted strange.
I plan on kicking back this afternoon and rest. Thanks again for all your prayers. Tomorrow, we start fighting the beast!
On the way home from the hospital I had Carolyn stop and pick up a bowl of my favorite fire-roasted garlic roasted soup from Paradise Bakery. It was a splurge - I am sure the salt content is way up there - but I figured I deserved a little treat before starting chemo. I don't feel a bit guilty. Who knows when it will taste good again. With my last chemo even water tasted strange.
I plan on kicking back this afternoon and rest. Thanks again for all your prayers. Tomorrow, we start fighting the beast!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
MIracles Do Happen
Do you believe in miracles? I certainly do, and I have even experienced some in my lifetime. Now, I am not sure this will qualify as a miracle - because there isn't hard evidence yet, but at least it is a start of one.
I had an appointment with my cardiologist today for her to go over my tests and meds, as she was out of town last Thursday and Friday when I had my stress test, was told I had had a heart attack by her associates, and was released from the hospital. She pulled all the reports of tests etc. and after studying them said something to the effect that "There is no conclusive evidence that you had a heart attack. From looking at these tests, and based on all your body had been put through, I would tend to believe that your heart was just over stressed and needs time to regain it's strength." She mentioned something about breast tissue pushing against the heart and obstructing the view - which made no sense to me, but I was happy there is a chance it was not a heart attack. Now, you could argue that this would have happened regardless of anything that others might do on my behalf. But, I believe that all the prayers that have been sent up to God by all of you wonderful people, along with His desire to see me healthy again, had every thing to do with this. Yes, I know that I could still find out that yes, it was a heart attack. But how comforting for me to go into tomorrow's surgery and subsequent chemo treatment on Thursday, believing that miracles do happen.
Thank you, God.
I had an appointment with my cardiologist today for her to go over my tests and meds, as she was out of town last Thursday and Friday when I had my stress test, was told I had had a heart attack by her associates, and was released from the hospital. She pulled all the reports of tests etc. and after studying them said something to the effect that "There is no conclusive evidence that you had a heart attack. From looking at these tests, and based on all your body had been put through, I would tend to believe that your heart was just over stressed and needs time to regain it's strength." She mentioned something about breast tissue pushing against the heart and obstructing the view - which made no sense to me, but I was happy there is a chance it was not a heart attack. Now, you could argue that this would have happened regardless of anything that others might do on my behalf. But, I believe that all the prayers that have been sent up to God by all of you wonderful people, along with His desire to see me healthy again, had every thing to do with this. Yes, I know that I could still find out that yes, it was a heart attack. But how comforting for me to go into tomorrow's surgery and subsequent chemo treatment on Thursday, believing that miracles do happen.
Thank you, God.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Two Times Today
I decided to write another blog today so I could pass on the info that I will have my port put in this Wednesday at 8:30 a.m. in outpatient surgery and then start my chemo sometime after 9:00 a.m. on Thursday. I love your prayers and am counting on them to support me through these two trying days.
Peg, a friend and coworker, came by today to visit and bring me back our 'lucky' wig. I wore it four years ago, and then passed it on when Peg started treatments for endrometrical (sp) cancer. She has been through many battles with her cancer, and is such a trooper. She also brought back my favorite hats from last time. I am happier to see my hats than the wig (that wig was always very uncomfortable for me - I inherited my father's oversized head). She also has decided to not return to teaching and announced it recently, so we have much in common. When she left, she announced it was nap time for both of us - and she was right. I kicked back in my comfy chair and slept away for about an hour.
My friend, Patty, gave me a recipe from the net for a chicken rice meal that was low fat and low salt. I made it today (my one accomplishment today) and it wasn't half bad. I asked Mark if he liked it, and he said "It was OK - but does it fit your diet?" I told him it was from the American Heart Assoc. and he said 'In that case - it was excellent!" Thanks, Patty!
Healthy eating has agreed with me. I have lost more weight since I have been home and can really see it in my clothes. I know my oncologist isn't going to be happy about the weight loss, but my cardiologist should be thrilled. I can't make both happy. I am eating very healthy. I am eating plenty and often - when my body tells me it is hungry. Hopefully all of this will help once the chemo starts its ravages, too.
My son, Greg, is majoring in Exercise Science, and has be extolling the virtues of probiotics. Probiotics - yogurt like products - are suppose to be very helpful for people going through chemo. I will have to visit more with him about how much and how often when he gets back from his cruise. I am already a daily yogurt consumer. Hopefully this will help, too.
Life is good. Seize the day!
Peg, a friend and coworker, came by today to visit and bring me back our 'lucky' wig. I wore it four years ago, and then passed it on when Peg started treatments for endrometrical (sp) cancer. She has been through many battles with her cancer, and is such a trooper. She also brought back my favorite hats from last time. I am happier to see my hats than the wig (that wig was always very uncomfortable for me - I inherited my father's oversized head). She also has decided to not return to teaching and announced it recently, so we have much in common. When she left, she announced it was nap time for both of us - and she was right. I kicked back in my comfy chair and slept away for about an hour.
My friend, Patty, gave me a recipe from the net for a chicken rice meal that was low fat and low salt. I made it today (my one accomplishment today) and it wasn't half bad. I asked Mark if he liked it, and he said "It was OK - but does it fit your diet?" I told him it was from the American Heart Assoc. and he said 'In that case - it was excellent!" Thanks, Patty!
Healthy eating has agreed with me. I have lost more weight since I have been home and can really see it in my clothes. I know my oncologist isn't going to be happy about the weight loss, but my cardiologist should be thrilled. I can't make both happy. I am eating very healthy. I am eating plenty and often - when my body tells me it is hungry. Hopefully all of this will help once the chemo starts its ravages, too.
My son, Greg, is majoring in Exercise Science, and has be extolling the virtues of probiotics. Probiotics - yogurt like products - are suppose to be very helpful for people going through chemo. I will have to visit more with him about how much and how often when he gets back from his cruise. I am already a daily yogurt consumer. Hopefully this will help, too.
Life is good. Seize the day!
Why I Blog
First, off - I had my entire blog done and posted, then managed to wipe out the entire thing when I went to edit something. Grrrrr!
I have been 'meme tagged' by my friend and co-worker, Melanie. I am new at this cyber tag - so bear with me. The question posed to me is "Why do you blog?"
I began my blog in December while I was in the hospital after being diagnosed with recurrent breast cancer. Melanie suggested I start a blog as a way to pass the time and to keep people updated without repeating the story 200 times a day. It was an excellent idea and it has been a great catharsis for me. Four years ago when I went through my first bout with breast cancer I sent out an email to people periodically. The problem with that was, I was never sure if all the people receiving it were interested - and received numerous requests from people to be added to the list - so it got to be bigger than life. With my blog, if you are interested - you can read. If you aren't you can stay away. I like that aspect of it.
The blog has also been a way of tracking my progress and set backs. When I don't feel like I am making progress, a quick check of past blogs proves me wrong. It will also be a great way for me to keep track of my chemo symptoms, etc. Hopefully, it will also be a source of help and hope for others going through similar trials.
When I wake in the night, and find my heart seized with fear, I find that by 'writing' an imaginary blog helps to calm my mind and soul. Sometimes it is a rendition of God's supporting me and why I don't blame Him for my troubles. Sometimes it is philosophical thoughts that seem to flow so much better when in a partial dream state. I haven't actually blogged any of these 'writings' - but just the act soothes me.
I also find comfort in the comments from people. So humbling.
So, that is why I blog. Thank you Melanie for the wonderful idea. And, Diane M, consider yourself 'meme tagged' - "Why do you blog"?
I have been 'meme tagged' by my friend and co-worker, Melanie. I am new at this cyber tag - so bear with me. The question posed to me is "Why do you blog?"
I began my blog in December while I was in the hospital after being diagnosed with recurrent breast cancer. Melanie suggested I start a blog as a way to pass the time and to keep people updated without repeating the story 200 times a day. It was an excellent idea and it has been a great catharsis for me. Four years ago when I went through my first bout with breast cancer I sent out an email to people periodically. The problem with that was, I was never sure if all the people receiving it were interested - and received numerous requests from people to be added to the list - so it got to be bigger than life. With my blog, if you are interested - you can read. If you aren't you can stay away. I like that aspect of it.
The blog has also been a way of tracking my progress and set backs. When I don't feel like I am making progress, a quick check of past blogs proves me wrong. It will also be a great way for me to keep track of my chemo symptoms, etc. Hopefully, it will also be a source of help and hope for others going through similar trials.
When I wake in the night, and find my heart seized with fear, I find that by 'writing' an imaginary blog helps to calm my mind and soul. Sometimes it is a rendition of God's supporting me and why I don't blame Him for my troubles. Sometimes it is philosophical thoughts that seem to flow so much better when in a partial dream state. I haven't actually blogged any of these 'writings' - but just the act soothes me.
I also find comfort in the comments from people. So humbling.
So, that is why I blog. Thank you Melanie for the wonderful idea. And, Diane M, consider yourself 'meme tagged' - "Why do you blog"?
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Sunny Sunday
Another beautiful day. Wow!
I think I overdid it yesterday, so found myself a bit on the tired side today. I pretty much sat in my chair and let everyone wait on me. Courtney and I did manage to get an easy lunch out while the guys vacuumed out every one's car.
Yesterday, I went wig shopping & grocery shopping (with the kid's help), and helped everyone put supper on (delicious - tenderloin roast, asparagus, baked potato & fresh fruit salad). Greg and Jaime came for supper and we had a nice visit.
Greg left this morning, very early, for a Caribbean cruise over his spring break - I hope he has a relaxing, fun, but SAFE time.
This afternoon my brother, Al, and sister-in-law, Liz, brought my mom for a visit from Lincoln. It was good to see them and have a little catch up time. Al is recovering from a parathyroid tumor removal - which by the way was benign - thank you God.
My friend, Patty, stopped by today and said I was in Pastor Doug's pastoral prayer today at church. I'll let you know, Pastor Doug knows how to pray to speak to God and people's hearts. It is a real gift. I am so appreciative of all the prayers and find it so comforting to know that so many are sending up petitions on my behalf.
I hope that tomorrow will find me a little perkier, but I think I learned my lesson about overdoing. Who would have thought the little I did yesterday would be overdoing it? :-) Live and learn.
I think I overdid it yesterday, so found myself a bit on the tired side today. I pretty much sat in my chair and let everyone wait on me. Courtney and I did manage to get an easy lunch out while the guys vacuumed out every one's car.
Yesterday, I went wig shopping & grocery shopping (with the kid's help), and helped everyone put supper on (delicious - tenderloin roast, asparagus, baked potato & fresh fruit salad). Greg and Jaime came for supper and we had a nice visit.
Greg left this morning, very early, for a Caribbean cruise over his spring break - I hope he has a relaxing, fun, but SAFE time.
This afternoon my brother, Al, and sister-in-law, Liz, brought my mom for a visit from Lincoln. It was good to see them and have a little catch up time. Al is recovering from a parathyroid tumor removal - which by the way was benign - thank you God.
My friend, Patty, stopped by today and said I was in Pastor Doug's pastoral prayer today at church. I'll let you know, Pastor Doug knows how to pray to speak to God and people's hearts. It is a real gift. I am so appreciative of all the prayers and find it so comforting to know that so many are sending up petitions on my behalf.
I hope that tomorrow will find me a little perkier, but I think I learned my lesson about overdoing. Who would have thought the little I did yesterday would be overdoing it? :-) Live and learn.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Beautiful Saturday!
The weather is beautiful. To think that just over a week ago, Omaha had over 12" of snow. Today, the sun is shining, the snow is almost gone and we even have the deck door open to let in fresh air. Amazing.
Also amazing, is what a night in one's own bed will do for one's soul. Matt, Courtney and Greg were here last night, and I was still feeling groggy from my week's events. I tried to stay awake to visit, but kept waking up to my family laughing at my attempts. I finally went to bed at 10 and slept solid until 3 - then just enjoyed being in my own bed until 6:00. Heavenly!
My port will be put in on Wednesday morning and I will begin chemo on Thursday. I am happy they couldn't get me in the first few days of next week to place the port. I think a few extra days of recovery will be good for me. Perhaps the delay may make my oncologists decision easier as to whether or not to give me the second chemo drug on this first round.
Matt and Courtney are going to take me wig shopping this afternoon so I am ready when the time comes. As per my first time doing chemo four years ago, I am more of a hat girl, but it is nice to have a wig when you want to be more inconspicuous.
Tonight, Greg and his girlfriend, Jaime, will be here for supper. We plan on grilling out to take advantage of this great day. Mark will wash cars this afternoon, which is one of his favorite weekend activities, and which he hasn't been able to do for months due to the weather.
I am still pretty much a weakling - but feel so much stronger than even yesterday. It is much easier to feel optimistic when you are sitting in your comfy chair surrounded by your comfy family. Life is good.
Also amazing, is what a night in one's own bed will do for one's soul. Matt, Courtney and Greg were here last night, and I was still feeling groggy from my week's events. I tried to stay awake to visit, but kept waking up to my family laughing at my attempts. I finally went to bed at 10 and slept solid until 3 - then just enjoyed being in my own bed until 6:00. Heavenly!
My port will be put in on Wednesday morning and I will begin chemo on Thursday. I am happy they couldn't get me in the first few days of next week to place the port. I think a few extra days of recovery will be good for me. Perhaps the delay may make my oncologists decision easier as to whether or not to give me the second chemo drug on this first round.
Matt and Courtney are going to take me wig shopping this afternoon so I am ready when the time comes. As per my first time doing chemo four years ago, I am more of a hat girl, but it is nice to have a wig when you want to be more inconspicuous.
Tonight, Greg and his girlfriend, Jaime, will be here for supper. We plan on grilling out to take advantage of this great day. Mark will wash cars this afternoon, which is one of his favorite weekend activities, and which he hasn't been able to do for months due to the weather.
I am still pretty much a weakling - but feel so much stronger than even yesterday. It is much easier to feel optimistic when you are sitting in your comfy chair surrounded by your comfy family. Life is good.
Friday, March 9, 2007
Good Friday
I am feeling much better today. I woke up at 2:30 a.m., hungry for the first time in a week. I walked to the patient kitchen and made some peanut butter toast with the fresh ground PB my mother in law, Carolyn brought me yesterday. At 5:30 I walked back down to get a bowl of cereal and milk, ate my breakfast at 8:30, and had juice and cookies around 10:00 from the snack cart. Lunch was a light seafood salad that tasted great and hit the spot. It is amazing what having working plumbing can do for a person's appetite! :-)
Now, even though I am eating everything in sight - final count on water weight loss for three days was 17 lbs. Can you believe that? I finally have ankles! Salt is now on my no no list - the list keeps getting longer! If you have any good recipes or suggestions let me know.
I get to go home this afternoon. I am so happy. My port will be put in sometime, hopefully, early in the week, and I will start chemo the next day. I dread both of these things, but know I must do this if I want to have a fighting chance. My oncologist may hold one drug this round to allow my body to heal from my heart operation and mild heart attack. He is considering this, and to be honest I would love it if he could break me in slowly - but I also want to zap this cancer. It is a hard call, which I will leave to him. Once I begin this regime, I will have to carefully watch my exposure to colds and flus as my immune system will be basically non-existent.
My students and coworkers continue to be on my mind. I have loved being a teacher at Millard South and enjoyed building our building's multi-categorical special education program. I had the opportunity to help design my area, as well as having input and creative reign for the 11 years I have taught there. I have had three different head principals, all who have shown great leadership and the ability to allow staff to do their best. Four wonderful department heads have each thrown their flavor into the mix as well as a plethora of wonderful sped teachers and paras who are so dedicated to our students. I have also enjoyed the pleasure of other dedicated sped staff throughout the district - all who have shared their expertise with me and helped me grow as an educator. I have been truly blessed.
Now, even though I am eating everything in sight - final count on water weight loss for three days was 17 lbs. Can you believe that? I finally have ankles! Salt is now on my no no list - the list keeps getting longer! If you have any good recipes or suggestions let me know.
I get to go home this afternoon. I am so happy. My port will be put in sometime, hopefully, early in the week, and I will start chemo the next day. I dread both of these things, but know I must do this if I want to have a fighting chance. My oncologist may hold one drug this round to allow my body to heal from my heart operation and mild heart attack. He is considering this, and to be honest I would love it if he could break me in slowly - but I also want to zap this cancer. It is a hard call, which I will leave to him. Once I begin this regime, I will have to carefully watch my exposure to colds and flus as my immune system will be basically non-existent.
My students and coworkers continue to be on my mind. I have loved being a teacher at Millard South and enjoyed building our building's multi-categorical special education program. I had the opportunity to help design my area, as well as having input and creative reign for the 11 years I have taught there. I have had three different head principals, all who have shown great leadership and the ability to allow staff to do their best. Four wonderful department heads have each thrown their flavor into the mix as well as a plethora of wonderful sped teachers and paras who are so dedicated to our students. I have also enjoyed the pleasure of other dedicated sped staff throughout the district - all who have shared their expertise with me and helped me grow as an educator. I have been truly blessed.
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Quite the Day
This has been quite the day. I had the heart stress test - which stressed me out - but my dear friend Bonnie, who works here at Methodist, was there to hold my hand and helped me through the procedure. Thank you, Bonnie!
Then, without going into any details, I had a 'plumbing' problem, such as I have never experienced in my life - and hope to never experience again. An angel of a nurse helped me through this - and let me tell you - did she ever earn her wings!
The initial report, as read by a physician's assistant, shows that I probably suffered a small heart attack sometime between last month's stress test and this one. She said people have these small heart attacks all the time and are not aware of them. 'Normal functioning' is 65% and mine showed 63% - not a great discrepancy. She also said, the test was diagnosed by a hospital radiologist and that my cardiologist would do the actual reading that would determine where we go from here. My cardiologist may feel this test isn't conclusive enough and decide to do the angioplasty. I am not going to worry about it until I hear, since it would do no good to do so. Another cardiologist just stopped by and pretty much said what the PA did, but wasn't as rosy about it. He thinks I had a heart attack on the base of my heart. He is rather quiet, and I don't know this man, so I will still wait to hear from my cardiologist.
Pastor Doug stopped by for a short visit and said a wonderful, calming prayer. Thank you, Pastor.
I spent the day sleeping off and on. I was so tired, I barely got out of bed. Friends, Donna and Lynne, both were going to come visit at different times, but I begged off - just not feeling up to it. Around 3:30 I started to rally and got up in my chair in time to visit with friend, Mary, and then with Steve and Diane. It is now a little after 6:00 and I am tired.
There is a chance that I may get to go home for the weekend - to return next week to get the port. I will know more tomorrow.
Your prayers, as always, are appreciated.
Then, without going into any details, I had a 'plumbing' problem, such as I have never experienced in my life - and hope to never experience again. An angel of a nurse helped me through this - and let me tell you - did she ever earn her wings!
The initial report, as read by a physician's assistant, shows that I probably suffered a small heart attack sometime between last month's stress test and this one. She said people have these small heart attacks all the time and are not aware of them. 'Normal functioning' is 65% and mine showed 63% - not a great discrepancy. She also said, the test was diagnosed by a hospital radiologist and that my cardiologist would do the actual reading that would determine where we go from here. My cardiologist may feel this test isn't conclusive enough and decide to do the angioplasty. I am not going to worry about it until I hear, since it would do no good to do so. Another cardiologist just stopped by and pretty much said what the PA did, but wasn't as rosy about it. He thinks I had a heart attack on the base of my heart. He is rather quiet, and I don't know this man, so I will still wait to hear from my cardiologist.
Pastor Doug stopped by for a short visit and said a wonderful, calming prayer. Thank you, Pastor.
I spent the day sleeping off and on. I was so tired, I barely got out of bed. Friends, Donna and Lynne, both were going to come visit at different times, but I begged off - just not feeling up to it. Around 3:30 I started to rally and got up in my chair in time to visit with friend, Mary, and then with Steve and Diane. It is now a little after 6:00 and I am tired.
There is a chance that I may get to go home for the weekend - to return next week to get the port. I will know more tomorrow.
Your prayers, as always, are appreciated.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Positive Thinking With Heavy Heart
Not knowing how else to start this, I am just going to go full speed ahead. My cardiologist has found my heart is not beating right, and doesn't know if I have had a little heart attack, or if something else is happening - such as a blockage. I will have a stress test tomorrow and may have to have an angioplasty to see if there is a blockage.
My oncologist came in with all test results, and while everything else looks good and stable, the heart tests are back and there is evidence of breast cancer cells in the fluid. The biopsy of the tissue from the sac was clean. With this knowledge, it is necessary for me to move to chemo. The chemo I will have will be different than it was 4 years ago, as many changes have happened over time. At this time he will give me Abraxane - a new spin on Taxol - and Avastin - a drug designed to thwart blood vessel development. The first drug will take every stitch of hair on my body in less than one week - pretty powerful stuff. I think I am comfortable with this - I need my heart, after all, but dread the possibility of those long sick days. As soon as my cardiologist gives the nod, my surgeon will put in a port (a device placed under your skin by your heart for giving chemo and drawing blood) and chemo will begin. I will be on chemo for long term.
Returning to the heart, my oncologist says the heart problems could stem from a drug given me four years ago that can cause heart problems over the long term. It could also be the cancer working on it.
With all this in mind, I am not going to return to teaching this year, and made the announcement to my dept. head, Michelle, and co-teacher, Melanie, today. Melanie had the duty of reading my letter to my students - thank you, Melanie. I am sure that wasn’t easy. You have been such a Godsend.
I am now on a low salt, low fat diet. Remember all that weight gain I had spoken of? I lost 6 pounds from yesterday to today - and my feet are still swollen - so am anxious to see if I lose a bunch more tomorrow. I am on a diuretic to help remove all the fluid, so I am expecting good things.
Mark and I are forging ahead, frightened, but hopeful, and appreciate all your prayers and concern. I feel God’s presence in all the wonderful people that have touched my life today. It is an overwhelming feeling.
My oncologist came in with all test results, and while everything else looks good and stable, the heart tests are back and there is evidence of breast cancer cells in the fluid. The biopsy of the tissue from the sac was clean. With this knowledge, it is necessary for me to move to chemo. The chemo I will have will be different than it was 4 years ago, as many changes have happened over time. At this time he will give me Abraxane - a new spin on Taxol - and Avastin - a drug designed to thwart blood vessel development. The first drug will take every stitch of hair on my body in less than one week - pretty powerful stuff. I think I am comfortable with this - I need my heart, after all, but dread the possibility of those long sick days. As soon as my cardiologist gives the nod, my surgeon will put in a port (a device placed under your skin by your heart for giving chemo and drawing blood) and chemo will begin. I will be on chemo for long term.
Returning to the heart, my oncologist says the heart problems could stem from a drug given me four years ago that can cause heart problems over the long term. It could also be the cancer working on it.
With all this in mind, I am not going to return to teaching this year, and made the announcement to my dept. head, Michelle, and co-teacher, Melanie, today. Melanie had the duty of reading my letter to my students - thank you, Melanie. I am sure that wasn’t easy. You have been such a Godsend.
I am now on a low salt, low fat diet. Remember all that weight gain I had spoken of? I lost 6 pounds from yesterday to today - and my feet are still swollen - so am anxious to see if I lose a bunch more tomorrow. I am on a diuretic to help remove all the fluid, so I am expecting good things.
Mark and I are forging ahead, frightened, but hopeful, and appreciate all your prayers and concern. I feel God’s presence in all the wonderful people that have touched my life today. It is an overwhelming feeling.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Joyful News!
My oncologist called to say that the CT Scan from this morning of my abdomen/liver showed no sign of cancer and that my bone cancer was stable! Thank you, Lord! I haven't heard any news on the lungs, so assume this will be good news, too. Tests on the heart fluid will be awhile before results are in, but my surgeon said he didn't think it looked out of the ordinary.
I am breathing even better today than I was yesterday, and was given orders to walk the halls as much as I am able. I have made a couple trips to the water cooler around the corner as well as two trips down to the patient's kitchen to get fruit from the fridge that our friends the Chickenells & Seitz's sent me in a beautiful edible bouquet.
In normal Jacque mode.... this morning I was scrubbing up at my room's bathroom sink, with my little 'comfort washes' the hospital supplies when you can't take a shower...and was looking at myself in the mirror and wondered what was wrong with me - I just didn't look right. Long story short, my saline breast implant, from reconstruction following my mastectomy, has burst (hope this doesn't make my guy family and friends too uncomfortable:-). Now, all the extra fluid I had been concerned about under my arm and stomach area made sense. I had been showing this extra fluid to every single doc, but it never dawned on me it was coming from my implant and they were all stumped, just like me. Remember last Sunday, when I wrote that I felt something that felt like a gunshot bursting from under my right breast when Dr. Thommie pushed the tube into my back? Dr. T and I decided the implant was probably already leaking (as I had shown him this fluidy area of concern before this), and when he pushed the tube in I probably jerked, causing the leak to burst out. (He didn't poke it with the tube - anatomically impossible.) So now, I have this to deal with this along with everything else. However, I am actually glad to get it out, as I have never liked it, it hurts, and was always hard as a brick bat. Dr. Edney, my plastic surgeon, stopped by as I was typing the last sentence. He said there is no hurry to get it out and that he will wait to hear from my onc, Dr. Silverberg, to decide when to do this as outpatient surgery.
Dr. Batter, the heart surgeon, said that the hole he made in my diaphragm for the fluid to drain from the heart to the belly is about the size of a half dollar. Can you imagine? I am quite sore in the sternum area, where the main incision is, but I don't think I can feel where the hole in the diaphragm is. Maybe there isn't feeling there?
I thank God for today's results and pray that His will, will be to not have cancer be part of the heart diagnosis. All in all, today was a joyful day.
I am breathing even better today than I was yesterday, and was given orders to walk the halls as much as I am able. I have made a couple trips to the water cooler around the corner as well as two trips down to the patient's kitchen to get fruit from the fridge that our friends the Chickenells & Seitz's sent me in a beautiful edible bouquet.
In normal Jacque mode.... this morning I was scrubbing up at my room's bathroom sink, with my little 'comfort washes' the hospital supplies when you can't take a shower...and was looking at myself in the mirror and wondered what was wrong with me - I just didn't look right. Long story short, my saline breast implant, from reconstruction following my mastectomy, has burst (hope this doesn't make my guy family and friends too uncomfortable:-). Now, all the extra fluid I had been concerned about under my arm and stomach area made sense. I had been showing this extra fluid to every single doc, but it never dawned on me it was coming from my implant and they were all stumped, just like me. Remember last Sunday, when I wrote that I felt something that felt like a gunshot bursting from under my right breast when Dr. Thommie pushed the tube into my back? Dr. T and I decided the implant was probably already leaking (as I had shown him this fluidy area of concern before this), and when he pushed the tube in I probably jerked, causing the leak to burst out. (He didn't poke it with the tube - anatomically impossible.) So now, I have this to deal with this along with everything else. However, I am actually glad to get it out, as I have never liked it, it hurts, and was always hard as a brick bat. Dr. Edney, my plastic surgeon, stopped by as I was typing the last sentence. He said there is no hurry to get it out and that he will wait to hear from my onc, Dr. Silverberg, to decide when to do this as outpatient surgery.
Dr. Batter, the heart surgeon, said that the hole he made in my diaphragm for the fluid to drain from the heart to the belly is about the size of a half dollar. Can you imagine? I am quite sore in the sternum area, where the main incision is, but I don't think I can feel where the hole in the diaphragm is. Maybe there isn't feeling there?
I thank God for today's results and pray that His will, will be to not have cancer be part of the heart diagnosis. All in all, today was a joyful day.
Monday, March 5, 2007
God is Good
God is good. I have felt joyful ever since waking up from surgery. The song, 'Lord I Lift Your Name On High' kept going through my head. The surgery is over, and it was a success. The surgeon drained 600 ccs (3/5ths of a liter) from my heart lining, made a hole in my diaphragm for future drainage, and stitched me up. I have approximately a 5" incision towards the bottom of my sternum going up and down. The doctor said there were areas the fluid was compressing my heart - not allowing it to pump properly. It hasn't been too uncomfortable with the use of pain pills.
My breathing is so much better, I can't believe it. Just sitting here I can tell the difference. I was able to eat my left over steak salad that Mark treated me to last night from Outback Steakhouse and still have room for a little soup and applesauce off my lunch tray and a couple of bites of cake my friend Joan brought by last night. Eating this much wouldn't have been possible before the surgery - four bites and I would have been full. I assume the fluid from the heart was pushing on my stomach, giving me my own version of a stomach clamp. This morning I was retaining a lot of water (my feet were puffy and my toes were like little sausages). My friend, Bonnie, who works on the heart diagnostic and rehab floor here, stopped by and explained that since my heart wasn't able to pump fluids out, it just was remaining in my system. Hopefully the 14 pounds I packed on in the last two weeks eating next to nothing will disappear rapidly! Hey, maybe I will even have lost some weight! A girl can dream!
My prayer warrior family and friends - I need your help. What caused this fluid build up is in question. It has a strong possibility of being cancer. If it is, my treatments will change to chemo. I also know that there is a possibility that it is not cancer. I am prepared - as much as I can be - for either way. I have done chemo before and I can do it again. Please ask for God's guidance for the tests, the doctors, for His healing grace and for strength for myself and my family. Either way, God is GOOD!
My breathing is so much better, I can't believe it. Just sitting here I can tell the difference. I was able to eat my left over steak salad that Mark treated me to last night from Outback Steakhouse and still have room for a little soup and applesauce off my lunch tray and a couple of bites of cake my friend Joan brought by last night. Eating this much wouldn't have been possible before the surgery - four bites and I would have been full. I assume the fluid from the heart was pushing on my stomach, giving me my own version of a stomach clamp. This morning I was retaining a lot of water (my feet were puffy and my toes were like little sausages). My friend, Bonnie, who works on the heart diagnostic and rehab floor here, stopped by and explained that since my heart wasn't able to pump fluids out, it just was remaining in my system. Hopefully the 14 pounds I packed on in the last two weeks eating next to nothing will disappear rapidly! Hey, maybe I will even have lost some weight! A girl can dream!
My prayer warrior family and friends - I need your help. What caused this fluid build up is in question. It has a strong possibility of being cancer. If it is, my treatments will change to chemo. I also know that there is a possibility that it is not cancer. I am prepared - as much as I can be - for either way. I have done chemo before and I can do it again. Please ask for God's guidance for the tests, the doctors, for His healing grace and for strength for myself and my family. Either way, God is GOOD!
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Yummy
What is it about certain foods that just make you crave it? My friends, Diane and Kaitlin, brought lunch for me yesterday from Paradise Bakery - roasted garlic tomato soup and a Greek salad (with extra olives). It was divine and I savored every bite. I even managed to get the entire meal down over about an hours time. I kept thinking I would put it away until later - but just couldn't bear to do it. Of course, I wasn't a lick hungry for supper - but who cares - that was hospital food.
Friends Jeff and Lori stopped by last night while Mark was here, so we had a nice visit. Jeff said a beautiful prayer before they left. You all cannot imagine how cradled I feel knowing that so many prayers are going up on my behalf.
My breathing is a bit worse today and my blood pressure up. I am sure the fluid is on the increase, so I am anxious to get this done! The anesthesiologist checked in with me this morning, and said the surgery is scheduled for 7:30 tomorrow morning. They will come get me between 5:00 and 6:30. Total operating time should be 15 minutes - much shorter than the pre-op time. I will post as soon as I am out of my post op haze. Thanks again for all your prayers.
Friends Jeff and Lori stopped by last night while Mark was here, so we had a nice visit. Jeff said a beautiful prayer before they left. You all cannot imagine how cradled I feel knowing that so many prayers are going up on my behalf.
My breathing is a bit worse today and my blood pressure up. I am sure the fluid is on the increase, so I am anxious to get this done! The anesthesiologist checked in with me this morning, and said the surgery is scheduled for 7:30 tomorrow morning. They will come get me between 5:00 and 6:30. Total operating time should be 15 minutes - much shorter than the pre-op time. I will post as soon as I am out of my post op haze. Thanks again for all your prayers.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Where to Start
I am not even sure where to start. On Monday I will be having the sac around my heart drained. Over the last week fluid has accumulated around my heart to the point that this could be causing the shortness of breath. While I am not happy about this, it at least explains why I am having such trouble breathing and walking more than a few steps - especially since Dr. Thommi said my symptoms just didn't match my lung troubles. The operation is short. The heart/thoracic doctor, Dr. Batter (yes, a new doctor), will make a small incision in the base of my sternum, stick a tube up to the sac, drain the fluid and make a small slit in the diaphragm for any future fluid to drain. In the big scheme of heart surgery this is minimal Of course, he had to say 'All surgery has it's danger', but assured me that he foresaw no complications.
My friend, Bonnie, works on the heart floor here at Methodist. I asked her opinion on Dr. Batter and she said he is excellent and is who she would have had done her mother's surgery had she needed it earlier this year. I told Dr. Batter this, and my nurse chimed in that her mother had Dr. Batter for her heart surgery. This made me feel like I was truly being watched over.
Dr. T has cut back on my predinsone, thank the Lord! I have only slept 3 hours the last two nights and I had become very teary over little things. I also have had to have umpteen insulin shots since IV prednisone spikes your blood sugar.
The 'good' news is perhaps the chest tube won't have to be done if this heart drain does the trick. I would certainly vote for that!
Oh, my dear faithful friends and family - prayers, prayers, prayers!
My friend, Bonnie, works on the heart floor here at Methodist. I asked her opinion on Dr. Batter and she said he is excellent and is who she would have had done her mother's surgery had she needed it earlier this year. I told Dr. Batter this, and my nurse chimed in that her mother had Dr. Batter for her heart surgery. This made me feel like I was truly being watched over.
Dr. T has cut back on my predinsone, thank the Lord! I have only slept 3 hours the last two nights and I had become very teary over little things. I also have had to have umpteen insulin shots since IV prednisone spikes your blood sugar.
The 'good' news is perhaps the chest tube won't have to be done if this heart drain does the trick. I would certainly vote for that!
Oh, my dear faithful friends and family - prayers, prayers, prayers!
Friday, March 2, 2007
New Room
Just a quick post to say that I have been changed to a different room - back on pulmonary. I guess they were full yesterday when I checked in, so was placed on the cardiac floor. Just to show you how out of it I was, I didn't even realize my old room was in the North Tower. My new room (in the South Tower) is a nice big one - with one chair. Go figure. They did manage to find a stacking chair that we can keep in here. My new room number is 804. The phone number is 354-3804.
It Is Always Something
Dr. T came in and decided he couldn't do the lung tap. The fact that the fluid was thickened caused him decide to keep me on the IV steroids and to add in an IV antibiotic. If it has thinned by Sunday, he will tap it. If it hasn't he will put in a chest tube. I wanted to tell him to just do the tube and be done with it (I know Murphy's Law), but then I remembered the air bubble caused by the last one and decided to hold my tongue.
Dr. T also wants the cardiologist to consider dropping one of my meds that can cause shortness of breath, as he doesn't think I should be so short of breath since I have one good lung, and this would be a logical explanation. Of course, my cardio's associate was just here and doesn't think the dose I am on of that med would cause this problem. I told her that I am so hyper sensitive to medications, it wouldn't surprise me. She called my cardio and she is going to stop by to discuss all this.
So, here I sit, in my home away from home. I know this is a good place to be - I should make that my mantra. Maybe eventually I would believe it. :-)
Dr. T also wants the cardiologist to consider dropping one of my meds that can cause shortness of breath, as he doesn't think I should be so short of breath since I have one good lung, and this would be a logical explanation. Of course, my cardio's associate was just here and doesn't think the dose I am on of that med would cause this problem. I told her that I am so hyper sensitive to medications, it wouldn't surprise me. She called my cardio and she is going to stop by to discuss all this.
So, here I sit, in my home away from home. I know this is a good place to be - I should make that my mantra. Maybe eventually I would believe it. :-)
Who knew?
It is early in the morning (3:45). I can't sleep - but not for the normal 'hospital stay' reasons. I will get to that. I decided to send out this blog now as I know there are many who are worried about me, and I want to take some of the worry away.
You might remember that I was on prednisone for quite awhile, to help with the inflammation of the lung from the procedure I had. Last Friday, Dr. T upped my predinsone dosage from one a day, to back to two a day since I was having more breathing problems. This was the day before I ended up in the hospital, again, with my lung filled with fluid. On Saturday morning, I can't remember if I took my first pill or not - but I don't think I did. I wasn't feeling very well and was getting ready to go to the hospital. I made a list of all my medications - but forgot to write down the prednisone, as I keep it in the kitchen so I can take it with food/milk. Mistake!
While in the hospital on Sunday my lungs started getting, what I called, reactionary. It reminded me of how it feels when you are getting a cold/bronchitis - tickley and coughy. This directly effected (there is that word again) how I dealt with the lung tap on Sunday (remember how I couldn't stop coughing?)
Monday, right as they sent me home, I started feeling a little nauseous. Tuesday, I was a sick puppy and Thursday finds me back in the hospital.
Today, when the nurse from the hospital called Dr. T to get orders after I checked in, he wanted to know why predinsone wasn't on my list of meds - so he restarted it as an injection. Within a few hours I was feeling so much better, I couldn't believe it. My nausea was gone, my breathing became less labored and I started to feel hungry. Since the shot, I have had two cups of chicken noodle soup and a half of a sandwich. Not huge amounts - but tons more than I have eaten all week.
I went on line and looked up prednisone withdrawal and found the following: weakness: lethargy, tiredness, nausea and vomiting, arthralgias, myalgias (muscle pains). Who knew?
Why I am not sleeping (it is now 4:10 - had to deal with vital signs,etc.) is because prednisone interrupts sleep patterns - especially when it is injected - but I have to admit, I don't care. Just to know that I am on the mend - at least with the nausea, has been a Godsend. I will still report on the lung tap later - but I wanted everyone to know that I am feeling better and I'm feeling much more positive and hopeful. Whew! Thank you Lord!
You might remember that I was on prednisone for quite awhile, to help with the inflammation of the lung from the procedure I had. Last Friday, Dr. T upped my predinsone dosage from one a day, to back to two a day since I was having more breathing problems. This was the day before I ended up in the hospital, again, with my lung filled with fluid. On Saturday morning, I can't remember if I took my first pill or not - but I don't think I did. I wasn't feeling very well and was getting ready to go to the hospital. I made a list of all my medications - but forgot to write down the prednisone, as I keep it in the kitchen so I can take it with food/milk. Mistake!
While in the hospital on Sunday my lungs started getting, what I called, reactionary. It reminded me of how it feels when you are getting a cold/bronchitis - tickley and coughy. This directly effected (there is that word again) how I dealt with the lung tap on Sunday (remember how I couldn't stop coughing?)
Monday, right as they sent me home, I started feeling a little nauseous. Tuesday, I was a sick puppy and Thursday finds me back in the hospital.
Today, when the nurse from the hospital called Dr. T to get orders after I checked in, he wanted to know why predinsone wasn't on my list of meds - so he restarted it as an injection. Within a few hours I was feeling so much better, I couldn't believe it. My nausea was gone, my breathing became less labored and I started to feel hungry. Since the shot, I have had two cups of chicken noodle soup and a half of a sandwich. Not huge amounts - but tons more than I have eaten all week.
I went on line and looked up prednisone withdrawal and found the following: weakness: lethargy, tiredness, nausea and vomiting, arthralgias, myalgias (muscle pains). Who knew?
Why I am not sleeping (it is now 4:10 - had to deal with vital signs,etc.) is because prednisone interrupts sleep patterns - especially when it is injected - but I have to admit, I don't care. Just to know that I am on the mend - at least with the nausea, has been a Godsend. I will still report on the lung tap later - but I wanted everyone to know that I am feeling better and I'm feeling much more positive and hopeful. Whew! Thank you Lord!
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Hosptial Repeat
Here I am again - at Methodist Hospital. By this afternoon I was feeling/breathing so crumby - I couldn't even walk to the bathroom without feeling terrible. Add to that the nausea - I called the doc about going to the emergency but he said to go ahead and check in. I guess I am OK with this, except nothing is going to happen tonight - other than getting checked in, iv started and tests started. If nothing else it will hurry things along for tomorrow - and I will be here and not have to worry about the snow and the clinic closing in the morning due to the weather. I will make this blog short. Hopefully the next time I write the procedure will be over and I will feel better! Thanks for your continued prayers.
Snow Cancelation
I am blue. My pulmonologist called today and cancelled my appointment to have my lung drained this afternoon. I nearly cried on the phone. I understand - we are getting quite a blizzard here - but that doesn't mean I had even an ounce of compassion for the nurse making the call. I am miserable. She said I could go to the emergency room - but I asked if Dr. Thommi would be there and she said 'No, but the emergency doctor would be.' Just what I want, someone with no expertise trying to drain a lung that the specialist couldn't do. So, tomorrow morning it will be. This means another sleepless night in my chair (yes, it is the comfy one, but a bed would be so much nicer but I can't breathe when I lay down.)
I finally gave some thought to the nausea I have been experiencing since Monday and decided my body was trying to come down with c-diff again - where antibiotics kill off the 'good flora' in your gut. I was taking antibiotics up until Sunday for a bladder infection, then was restarted on Tuesday. I have been faithfully eating two to three yogurts a day - to keep the c-diff at bay, but I think the antibiotics were just too much. I quit taking the pills this morning, and I am feeling somewhat better. I have managed to keep down some soup and crackers - and am considering something a little more substantial for lunch. I have a question. After being sick do you crave the least likely thing you should want? Today it is spaghetti. Sometimes, in the past, it was tacos or pizza. I don't quite understand this little quirk of mine - but it is almost always this way. Very odd - but maybe it has something to do with not eating for three and a half days.
My friend/coworker/fellow church member sent me the following email. It made me cry:
"I know you didn't want a bunch of people fussing over you, but I did update everyone at choir tonight. Doug (our head pastor) and Jenny (worship and music director) came in to just see how things were going, and after we had talked for awhile, Gene (choir director) asked Doug for a prayer specifically for you. We all joined hands, and we sent everything we could your way. I envy Doug's ability to put into prayer what everyone is feeling."
I do so appreciate all the prayers. When I become sick, like I have been this week, it is harder to keep a positive outlook. Messages like this help me remember to give it up and let God. Thanks.
I finally gave some thought to the nausea I have been experiencing since Monday and decided my body was trying to come down with c-diff again - where antibiotics kill off the 'good flora' in your gut. I was taking antibiotics up until Sunday for a bladder infection, then was restarted on Tuesday. I have been faithfully eating two to three yogurts a day - to keep the c-diff at bay, but I think the antibiotics were just too much. I quit taking the pills this morning, and I am feeling somewhat better. I have managed to keep down some soup and crackers - and am considering something a little more substantial for lunch. I have a question. After being sick do you crave the least likely thing you should want? Today it is spaghetti. Sometimes, in the past, it was tacos or pizza. I don't quite understand this little quirk of mine - but it is almost always this way. Very odd - but maybe it has something to do with not eating for three and a half days.
My friend/coworker/fellow church member sent me the following email. It made me cry:
"I know you didn't want a bunch of people fussing over you, but I did update everyone at choir tonight. Doug (our head pastor) and Jenny (worship and music director) came in to just see how things were going, and after we had talked for awhile, Gene (choir director) asked Doug for a prayer specifically for you. We all joined hands, and we sent everything we could your way. I envy Doug's ability to put into prayer what everyone is feeling."
I do so appreciate all the prayers. When I become sick, like I have been this week, it is harder to keep a positive outlook. Messages like this help me remember to give it up and let God. Thanks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
